Why New Zealand

So many people asked me before going away to New Zealand why we were going there and to be honest it felt quite strange saying that we were all going to stay with someone I had never met before!  I seem to be making a bit of a habit of this.  First I went and met a fellow blogger Katharine over in Boston MA, we had known each other on-line for quite some years before I went and met her.  We were friends before we met but this visit cemented our friendship which continues to thrive! In fact my husband is going to meet up with her in November this year, but that is a whole other story!

Next we (not on my own this time) went and met another blogger that Katharine introduced us to, Susanne over near San Diego, CA. It really is so nice to be able to finally hear the voice that you read and share conversations with!

So back to the why New Zealand story.  First we have to roll the clock back several decades to when my husband was a teenager, he and a friend Howard decided to go inter-railing together around Europe.  I suppose in it's day it was the equivalent to taking a gap year, only this was done during the summer holidays and was a very cheap way of visiting lots of places!  They lost contact and then thanks to the joys of facebook they were reunited a few years ago.  At some point the two boys had a conversation that led me and Howard's wife Lyn into becoming facebook friends and playing scrabble daily with each other.

Lyn and I started to chat more and more as we played.  I discovered they had both been mental health nurses and Lyn had spent a lot of time doing adolescent mental health.  This is obviously a subject very close to my heart with my kinship caring saga with my niece, and on more than one occasion Lyn helped me to work out what my next steps were.

Then last year Howard came over to the UK on a visit to his family.  My husband Brian went up to his home town and met up with him for an evening and it seems they just picked up where they had left off all those years ago.  Howard made some comment about us going out to visit them - that may have been his biggest mistake.  I wonder how many times people say that not really meaning it???????

So, the rest is history, we decided to go for it.  The photo at the top shows Howard and Lyn on the far left with their daughter and then their son is over on the far right.  Next to their son on the far right are two more friends Paula and her daughter Bethany who came over from Australia to visit us.  Paula also knew Brian and Howard back in the teenage days when they were in a drama group together.  So there were many more years to catch up on there!  We have been fortunate to spend quite a bit of time with Paula and her ever growing family over the years and it was a very hard decision to go to New Zealand and not Australia on this visit, however, NZ it was to be and we were just thrilled that Paula brought Bethany over.

The photo below is of Lyn and I (we are wine tasting which must be why I am a bit blurred!), it was so lovely to give her a hug and to be able to thank her for being the pillar of support that she has been to me.  I couldn't believe that they had been living in NZ for about 15 years and had never visited a vineyard to do some FREE wine tasting.  So pleased we have sorted that out for them and jolly hope they go on to visit lots more - we only managed to do two.

Another friendship that I was also able to rekindle on this visit was with my lovely friend Sara.  We used to go to church together when we were both studying in West London.  I vividly remember her wedding to the lovely Brett (a kiwi) at the Salvation Army head quarters in central London.  It was only about 6 months after that wedding when we were about to get married that they moved over to New Zealand.  Since then we have kept touch every Christmas, we have spoken when Sara has been over in the UK but had not seen each other in the flesh for far too long.

Meeting her, Brett and their lovely children was just so good after all this time.  We have both been through tough times that neither of us had particularly shared with each other so there was an awful lot to catch up on.  But catch up we did and when I got Paula and Sara together it was lovely to go back over how we met, how Brett and Sara met and all the early days stuff over again.  Another wonderful spin off from this is the deep and meaningful emails we are now exchanging as we continue conversations about church and family.

So that is basically why we went to NZ.  I confess to hardly knowing anything about the country before going, except that a few friends had been and loved it.  My amazing husband spent so much time before we went doing all the research to decide where we would visit.  And he came up trumps with a brilliant itinerary!
It really is a most fascinating country and I would definitely like to get back and cover more, we were only able to do a very small bite.  I wonder how often people choose a holiday by the people they want to see rather than the country they want to visit!?!

The photo below is of my daughter Annie and Paula's daughter Bethany, I so pray that their friendship continues over the miles and that they get to share lots and lots of memories into the future.

Intolerant of Intolerance.

It's a very strange situation to be in.  I'm not intolerant of all intolerance's of course.  There are things that I am intolerant of (intolerance being just one of them).  There are crimes against people and property - I think I am probably fairly intolerant of those things. Mind you is it just the crimes I am intolerant of though? not the people that commit them?

So what has brought this quandary about today? It is somebody I consider a friend, saying that the Bible says that marriage should only be between a man and a woman and that if Christians do not stand against this 'issue' then we are condemning people to live apart from God.

Was Jesus intolerant of people?  or was he just intolerant of behaviour? is there a difference?

Did Jesus verbalise his intolerance of either behaviour and/or behaviour to others?  The Pharisees come to mind straight away - he certainly said something about their piety.

Is there anywhere in the Bible that tells us that if we do not warn people that they are sinning, then we are denying them access to Heaven and eternal life?  Jesus most certainly did advise the woman at the well that she should do the 'right' thing - is this the blueprint we should use?  If so what is that blueprint?  He certainly was happy to communicate and get to know her (asking for her help in getting water) before he even began to converse with her.  When their conversation deepened he waited for her to tell Him her marital status before discussing it.  So if we are intolerant of certain behaviour/people - should we not be conversing with them and getting along rather than causing them to take offence?

I have no idea if there really is a 'right' answer.  Christians are always going to disagree on issues and Biblical interpretations - they were thousands of years ago so why not now?  However when I begin to feel pressured into condemning a group of people for wanting equality in the eyes of the law, my heals begin to dig in.  What I do know is this:

I do not believe that I have the power to prevent an Almighty God from having His way in the world.  We are warned in the Bible not to be stumbling blocks to those that believe (Mark 9:42).  However a stumbling block is not the same as a no entry sign.  There is far more teaching on watching things that make ourselves stumble than causing others to (Mark 9:43-48).


Sin and death have already be conquered - the very reason we are presently in the season of Lent and soon to be celebrating Easter.

I also believe that satan sits rubbing his hands (if he has any) with glee as he watches Christians causing each other and others offence. John Beveres book The Bait of Satan, taught me an awful lot about the power of 'offensiveness'.

At the end of the day I would rather be refused entry to Heaven for my intolerance of the intolerant than accept the idea that I can enter Heaven without good friends who are going to be denied entry because of their sexual orientation.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

I had a lovely evening out with a great friend last night.  We went and had a meal together and then went to the cinema to see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  I saw a trailer for it during half term and was drawn to it's cast of the best British actors, knowing that there are no films containing them that I have not enjoyed.

What I had not realised was how much the story was a reflection by older people on the lives of older people.  Each of the characters had their own story to tell which we were introduced to in the first 15 minutes or so of the film.  They then all end up going to India to a 'retirement' complex which they find is not finished.  I sort of expected the story to take the line of how the business was then made, however that was not the point of the story at all.  This was a really fresh way of looking at ageing for me, we so often here about younger generations not understanding or even 'liking' the older generations.  To see older characters struggling with their own views of what is expected of them as they get older was very insightful.   I will not say anymore as I would encourage everyone to watch it as God willing we might all experience getting 'old' at some point.

When Life gets too busy.

I have just been too busy the last month or so.  So busy in fact that it took me having a week off work and spending good quality time with friends to make me realise just how busy life has been in the last 3 years.  My last post was all about friendships, and I seem to have done nothing but run into story after story, blog after blog about this topic since then.  I am now trying to tackle this, it will no doubt take a little time, it may mean big changes to my working life.  However I am quite sure that if I am following the path that I believe God is leading me down then all will be well,  I just have to be patient.   Praise God!

More blessings for a Monday.

710.  Fabulous childrens Lent activity morning - I love my job!

 711.  Beauty in the hot house.

 712. Drifts of snowdrops.

 713. A small moment amongst tall trees.

 714.  Beauty even amongst that which is decomposing.

 715.  Happy dog.

 716.  A quiet moment with my friend.

 717.  Breathtaking skys.

 718.  Memory making moments.

 719.  Another crochet pot completed for a birthday girl.

Friends

I went along to my counselling session with plans that it would be my last one for a while.  Going along has enabled me to gain far more insight into the way I react to others around me.  This in turn has given me the wisdom to ascertain whether a problem is my own problem or belongs to someone else.  Having both these tools has been invaluable over the last rocky 14 weeks since my dad died and all that ensued.  The outside benefits are:

• I am far more relaxed at home.
• I consider time out for myself as a need and not a luxury.
• Family relationships are going along new pathways.
• There is more organisation/ order in my home.

It is therefore very easy to sit back and say 'that will do'.  However it seems God has a little more he wants me to deal with yet. Will I ever learn that God never wants me to just make do?  With half term approaching we got onto the topic of friendships.  I confessed that I have really not put very much effort into friendships for the last few years (or more).  There are practical reasons for this, when family life becomes chaotic it is natural for friendships to take a back seat.  However I am starting to realise that mine have been on the backseat for so long, that I have got to the point where I cannot remember and don't really feel I  have the skills to be reintroducing them into my life.

Since being a little girl I have learnt how to distance myself from things that hurt.  That is the coping mechanism that worked for me then and so it has grown up with me.  I am now recognising that I might be loosing out on something because of this distance.  With friendships it has been far easier to write a blog and keep facebook updates letting friends know what is physically going in my life.  However to avoid having to talk about it (because it all hurts so much), I have managed to stay away from the telephone and from meeting up with friends for far too long.

I believe friends are a God given gift, maybe it is the shrinking of my family (through death and other things beyond my control), that is making me realise I need to get back on track with friendships.  At the moment that feels like a really big and scary path to walk.  However I know that if I look at practically how far I have moved on since beginning my counselling in September, it should not be too painful to tackle another area.

So to any friends that are reading this, I am sorry and I will start talking again in real life and I am so grateful for your love, care and patience with me.

Be Strong - No!!!!!!!!

Be strong is another of those injunctions that I am trying to get over.  I have spent my life being strong and has my mother and look where that has lead her (a mental health unit) - do I want to go the same way?

I have been reminded this morning my that Still Small Voice of Corinthians 12:10

I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   (Good News Bible)

Now I wish I could say that I am content with weakness, but my natural earthly desires are to BE STRONG, which means I have to FIGHT weakness, that immediately puts me into a no win situation.  That means I am belittling Christ on the cross.  If I can do it in my strength why did He die for me???

If only it were as easy as repeating Paul's words with my lips to make my heart believe those words.  Living in the world where people do not know or trust God means I am surrounded by those who really do think the only way through hardship is BEING STRONG.

Today I am going to try and accept my weakness, to accept my inability to put things right, to accept that I can not control what other people say to me or put on me.

Maybe I will then feel the STRENGTH of CHRIST RISING.  The STRENGTH of the RISEN KING.  The STRENGTH of the LORD OF LORDS.  The STRENGTH of the one that has DEFEATED DEATH.

Just the tonic.

Now those of you that know me well - I am not talking about the sort of tonic that I like to have with my gin!!  Thank you so much for all your prayers over the last few days.  I have felt your support, it has got me through a very busy few days at work. 

I have ended up in bed this afternoon with a body that is very un-happy.  I have felt a flare of my rhematoid arthritis to be on the way all week and have just tried to ignore it.  It is amazing how with a bit of mind over matter this can actually work for a while.  However everything has it's limit and I am very thankful to God that he shows me mine before I completely crash.

So swallowing my pride I have taken to my bed, I have read a little, I have snoozed a little, I have felt sorry for myself a lot!  In the quietness though that Still Small Voice managed to pierce my wallowing.  I was reminded of a facebook chat that I had with a dear friend this week when I was at a very low ebb.  She had mentioned some youtube videos that she had been watching and found really helpful on her quest for a better self image.  This is a quest that we both share.  The person she mentioned was Joyce Meyer.  One of those names that seems to always ring a bell in Christian circles but I can never quite remember whether I have read any of her books or not.  I now know that I have never listened to her speak.

This lady speaks with such passion and this video especially (though all three parts are excellent) was just the tonic that I needed to hear this afternoon.   I have let my lovely husband metaphorically wash my feet this afternoon, something that I don't always find comfortable to do, however the pain killers are now kicking in.  I might even be able to get up before I go back to bed tonight!  If you have the time to listen to some of this ladies videos then I encourage you to do so.  The advertising gets a little tiresome, but the teaching is worth bearing with it.

What I love about Facebook (and God)

I have just had a most lovely surprise, but first let me set the scene.  I have been on facebook for around 3 years now.  In all that time I have never done a cull of my accumulated friends.  Part of the reason for that is because I have tried to be very wise with whom I have friended in the first place.  However no matter how hard I tried there were still a few that I did press accept to without thinking very hard about it.  I thought hard about the people who I was going to delete, my criteria was roughly

• how often do I correspond with them 
• how often do they correspond with me
• has facebook enhanced our relationship
• will either they or me lose anything by deleting them.

The last one was the hardest by far and I have to trust God that I have made the correct decisions on the few that went because of this point. I deleted over 25 people!  A lot of these were people who I had come into contact with through kinship caring pages.  It feels right as I am no longer caring for my niece to put a little distance between myself and those that are.  I have kept a couple who I have made a connection with, one of whom has gone through a similar scenario causing her to no longer care for her nieces and another who lives near by and I would like to be able to continue supporting her (and catching the odd coffee together).  I can still use the kinship care pages and am sure that all those affected will understand my reasons.  It felt very good, like having a good spring clean once I had done it.

So what is the lovely surprise?  This evening I have been 'found' on facebook by a wonderful lady who was my line manager when I last worked as an Occupational Therapist in West London.  The surprise is heightened for me because she is a self confessed technophobe!  It is almost 12 years since I worked with her, computers were only just coming into our offices and she hated them.  Since them we have kept in contact at Christmas, met up occasionally and exchanged the odd e-mail, but facebook would be one of the last places I would have expected her to be using.  She is a fantastic 'quiet' Christian, extolling all the virtues that St Francis of Assisi extolled.  I worked in a lovely little 'dream team' with a Christian physiotherapist and social worker as well as this lovely lady.

It feels like a lovely little gift from my oh so loving Father.  I so need the wisdom, love and prayers of those that love Jesus at the moment.  As previous posts may have indicated I am struggling with depression, which affects all areas of my life at the moment.  Daily decisions like what I should make for tea, can be so difficult and it only takes one small upset to totally floor me.  I am clinging on though.  I was reminded by a fellow twitterer earlier of 2Corinthians  chapter 4 verses16 to 18:

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Praise God!

When your best just isn't enough.

For the last 2 years of our kinship caring journey we have often said to folks that we often feel like we live an hour at a time not knowing what will come next.  The looks you get from this vary, but I understand it is a way of living that not a lot of people have to live with.

An hour after I wrote my last blog a week last Tuesday, everything turned upside down for us all yet again.  It wasn't anything spectacular that turned everything upside down, however it was obviously for me the last straw.  My reaction to what was really a quite minor spat with my 14 year old niece caused a sequence of evidence that has ended up with her staying with friends, being admitted to hospital and hopefully to emergency respite foster carers tomorrow.

I feel so cross and confused with myself that I kept soldiering on, thinking (or maybe pretending) I was coping, when it turns out I so obviously was not.  What I suppose it all boils down to is having to admit that my best efforts to care for a very damaged 14 year old have just not been good enough. 

It is strange that now everything is out of my hands (and control), I am finding it so much easier to pray for the whole situation.  It is reassuring to know that I can trust God far more than I can trust myself or any of the professionals around me.  Now I just have to hold onto that trust and belief that God can work all things for my dear nieces good. 

If you are reading this and you pray, please hold us all in your prayers.  My two biological kids are being great despite their tender ages, my dear husband is very worn out as he has had to do all the meetings and phone calls that my actions caused as well as working full time.  We are praising God for the amazing friends that he has surrounded us with, some of whom have been called on to do far more than you generally expect of friends.  I am hoping that I am finally learning to be more honest about my limits and will keep having the strength (of mind) to ensure that nobody or nothing stretches me too far again.

Dangerous Words.

Have you ever had something said to you or misunderstood what is being said to you which has then caused you damage?

A few weeks ago when we were going through a rather bad patch in our kinship caring journey.  You can read more about that here or if you want to know more about what kinship caring is and how I qualify to discuss it by clicking on the kinship caring label on the right hand side of this blog.  This bad patch rustled all the children's services into action (again) appearing to offer us all sorts of help.  However we are not poorly informed and did have a fairly good idea that there were not really any options open to us that we felt we could use.

It was during a these discussion with a mental health professional when I was told that my nieces ONLY hope was for us to continue to battle through her difficulties with her.  The only other option was for her to go into care (which is why we took her in, in the first place - no change there then).

At the time I felt I was only being told what my husband and I already knew.  However what I didn't realise was just how HEAVY that word was and how debilitating it was for me to try and carry it.  It was not until some amazing pastoral workers recognised this and prayed through this with me that I realised just how heavy a burden had been placed on me.  I actually felt the weight lift off my shoulders.  I was suddenly thinking, why am I sitting so slouched, it was of course because the weight was physically pushing me down and I could not feel this until it was taken away. 

The truth of the matter is that, yes we are probably her BEST hope in this physical world to nurture and try and help her grow into an adult.  However we have FAITH and we know that HE is her ONLY hope - no human can take that on.  It surprises me that though these children's services professionals know very well that we have a strong Christian faith, but not once have they in any way checked with us that we are being spiritually supported.  When I trained to be an occupational therapist, it was already widely accepted that our well-being is dependant on our emotional, physical and spiritual health and yet not once has our spiritual needs been checked.  Thank God for the good spiritual people who have been happy to journey with us and their wise counsel and no wonder so many child placements fall down when unacceptable burdens are (hopefully unknowingly) placed on them.

Life remains turbulent here, and we are finding new ways to try and cope with this, taking every hour as it comes is a good place to start. 

A Cushion to comfort.

I have been a little busy making a cushion.  I was prompted to start making by discovering a lovely friend who I have not had any contact with recently has breast cancer and has been suffering terribly with her chemotherapy and still has radiotherapy to go yet.  I didn't want to get her flowers as I wanted to make something, and then the idea struck, if she is resting a lot maybe a cushion would be good!  I sketched a design after browsing through some crafty blogs.  I started by cutting felt pieces and embroidering on them.  I already had the felt and thread in my cupboards and I also found a lovely baby pink coloured piece of Aida which I then bonded the doors to before stitching them on.

I then went on a little shopping trip with my youngest to find the material that would make the main cushion cover.  I also managed to find a lovely soft cushion pad.

These are the fabrics that we chose and a lovely bit of ribbon.

 It was the first time for I don't know how long that I made a gathered ribbon to put around the edge, I had quite forgotten how fiddly this could be!

 I decided to bond the Aida to the cotton cover and then stitched around the ribbon leaving a frayed Aida edge.

 I finished the envelope back of the cushion with a couple of ribbon ties which keeps everything nice and secure.

What do you think?  I am rather pleased with it, I can't wait to go and visit my friend and give it to her, this week I have had an awful cold which I would not be thanked for taking round so I am hoping next week a healthier me can go and make us cups of tea.

When you disagree with fellow Christians.

I have got myself involved with a debate on facebook posted by a friend whom I have known for many many years though have only recently become reacquainted  after approx 8yrs.  His post was asking people to agree with him that the 'equality' bill, which is currently being formulated, was the worst thing ever to happen to a Christian Society, based on this story by the BBC (a story which I have said I think is appallingly written sensationalism).  There have been many comments (over 60), the debate has gone off on tangents of which I have been apart.  What I have learnt from this experience is that Facebook is not the best place to have a debate, once one starts it can be very difficult to remove yourself from it.  I have found it very difficult to not take offense at comments such as 'have you even read this ....part of the bible', however I have tried very hard to stay loving towards all involved in the debate.  


I suppose my real bug bear on the whole debate is the feeling that some Christians appear to believe that they have the right to go around quoting the bible to point out peoples sins.  Without context I can not relate to this at all.  If I am asked my opinion on whether something is a 'sin' according to the Bible, I will use my Bible knowledge to try and answer them clearly.  However if I meet someone, or discover that someone I am  know is committing a 'sin' as the bible might interpret it, is it for me to go about asking them if they believe in God and the Bible and whether or not they know/realise that they are sinning?  Am I, as I feel some are suggesting, condemning them to Hell for not doing precisely this, withholding (I don't think I actually hold them!) the keys to the Kingdom by what I am not saying?


I often reflect of the miracle of my dramatic conversion which I blogged about a couple of years ago here.

Maybe it is because of knowing a life without God that I can have such compassion on those around me without continually feeling the need to point out their sins.  There has been one exception to this and I am still trying to let God deal with that, his ways are however gentle with me.

I hope and pray that I am not causing any person I meet to stumble in their relationship or veer away from God in any way.  And if I am then I am truly sorry and will repent before my God!

My Trip Alone

Last Friday morning I woke up early with butterflies in my tummy.  The day had arrived, I was on my way to see a friend I had only met over the internet (through blogging, tweeting and facebooking).  My parents were very concerned - you should not meet people you have only met through the internet, never mind fly thousands of miles as well.  It took a great deal of explaining to my children why in this instance it was a safe thing for me to do.  I know my friend was having a bit of anxiety over us meeting as well - what if we didn't like each other in real life!

I needn't have worried - I landed in Boston, USA in the evening after a flight made very bearable by some noise reduction earphones.  I really could not have done without them as there was a high school ski party taking up the majority of the cabin (that is why when I checked in on line there were so few seats!).  I saw Katharine the moment I walked into the arrivals lounge, we hugged and it felt good.

We then had an exciting adventure on the bus and subway and finally a taxi to get to her home which is within the city boundaries.  This gave us the opportunity to start to get acquainted without her children around (she has 5 I was under no doubts chatting would be difficult with them around).  There was lots of giggling, even with the taxi driver - I think I may have gotten a little giddy with all the newness!  I arrived at their house at about 9pm.  It was dark but I could see just how much snow there was around.  They live in what I consider a very typical New England home, the houses are around 100 years old in this area.  This is Katharines house

It looks big, however this family of seven are having to live with just one bedroom on just the ground floor of their property - that is amazing and the way they are doing it, is such a testament to what God is doing in their lives. (This photo was taken on my last day so the snow had actually melted considerably from when I first saw it).

After an hour getting to know Katharines husband and children I was driven 15 minutes to Brookline where I was staying in a Guest House, and what a guest house it turned out to be:

My room was in the bottom right hand corner as you look at the picture, this was perfect as when Katharine or her husband were coming to collect me I could see them arriving from the warm comfort of my room.  My room was just gorgeous, it was huge and beautifully styled, I didn't even have to make my own bed!

There was a gorgeous writing desk which I made use of.

 and a pretend fire that made the room feel sooooo cosy.

I had reasonable sleep in a very comfortable bed, I was waking up early every day but managed to snooze again after a bit of a read/write.  Saturday morning I went slowly communicating via FB and twitter with Katharine (so no cost involved as there was free wifi!).  When I was ready they came over and collected me, taking me back to their home for the rest of the day.  We had so much fun, the children are lovely and we had a great time of me giving gifts out and them showing me things that they loved/had made/just wanted to show me.  In between Katharine and I got to chat, she is amazing in the kitchen making most of their food from scratch.  I had to take this photograph as it was just how I imagined she looked typing away in her kitchen

The older girls took me on a tour of the whole house, how I am praying that they will be able to get it all habitable VERY soon.  By the time I was taken home, I felt as though I had known them all forever, I collapsed into bed knowing that Sunday was going to be American Culture Day for me.

The day started going to visit their church which I have blogged about on my work blog here.  It was lovely to meet lots of their new friends there.  It was lunch time by the time we got back and a lovely pick and mix lunch was put on with home-made tomato soup - yum yum.

We then had an afternoon to while away, playing games and chatting before the big event - The Superbowl.  Katharines two boys tried so hard to educate me into American Football, they managed a reasonable job, I did have more of an idea by the time it started than I would have done without their help.  During the superbowl we got to eat Tex Mex food which was just absolutely scrumptious (and drink beer!).  By the time it finished we were all very tired, it did not take me long at all to drop to sleep when I was taken back to my room.

Monday unfortunately saw me floored with an awful migraine, this kept me in bed all day.  However by early evening I was starting to feel myself again and was able to get up and took Katharine out for a meal at an indian restaurant and had more scrummy food, after a quick drop into their house afterwards to let the kiddies know that I was okay and it was back to bed.

Tuesday I took a bit of time to myself in the morning,  I walked to Coolridge Corner which is one of two small village centres in Brookline.  Here I was able to look around and spent an age in a fabulous bookshop and just generally window shopping.  The photo shows a small cinema which I then found out was where Katharine and her husband had their first date!

I then went and got myself a taxi (I felt soooo grown up) to the Boston Museum of Fine Art, which I did a small blog about here, as well as the embroideries there was a great exhibition of http://www.mfa.org/Scassi clothing which was fascinating.  I'll blog on that another time.  As well as some beautiful stained glass which I adore.

This very much made me think of my other internet friend Susanne who Katharine introduced me to over the blogwaves.  Her husband has produced some amazing stained glass.

I had checked out of my guest house but they had kindly let me leave my luggage there, so I got a taxi back to Brookline and Katharine came and fetched me.  We had the chance to have an early supper before embarking on a return adventure on the subway to get me to the airport for my evening flight home.

What did I enjoy most about the trip? well it certainly wasn't Mondays migraine!  Though to just pick one thing out is just impossible.  What I will definitely savour the most I think is the conversation with Katharine.  We talked about what God has and is doing in our lives, and I think both felt that my visit was a gift from God for very different reasons to each other personally.  One thing is for sure,  I know we will be friends for life,  I feel so privileged to have met her children and pray that I will get the pleasure of seeing them turn from fabulous kids to amazing adults.  I shall definitely be saving my pennies for another visit and pray that they might get over to see us to - I have so much to show them!

Ten Highs and Ten Lows of Kinship Caring.

Kinship caring is looking after a child under 16 who is not your own, not adopted, not fostered, but who you are looking after and belongs to close family or friends.  You can find out more about my kinship journey in previous posts that I have written here and here. I care for my niece who is now 13 years old, she came to live with us after my sister (her mum) died 2 years ago.  Today has been a very tough day and it might well get worse yet as when my two biological children have gone to bed there is some big talking that the three of us are going to have to do before bed.

Lows:

1. Every time I look at her I feel sad that my sister isn't watching her grow up.
2. It is incredibly difficult to know when she is truly feeling ill, unlike how I can tell with my biological children.
3. Facing her grief is harder than handling my own.
4. Seeing her rejected over and over by her father.
5. Seeing my 9 year old learn about things such as self harm.
6. Knowing that because of her attachment disorder there is every chance I will not get to see whether we are making a difference until she is an adult.
7. Going to visit friends and staying over is logistically more difficult.
8. Leaving her with a sitter as we could our youngest two is not possible because of her behaviour problems.
9. Going on holiday as a family is so much more expensive.
10. We can never fill the hole that she feels not being with her 'real'  parents.

Highs

1. The pride you feel watching your biological kids accepting a new member into the family.
2. New friends made.
3. The friendships that matter becoming so much deeper.
4. The sense of achievement you can feel they manage the smallest things, eg. getting a thank you out of the blue.
5. Taking the time of work which meant we could get a puppy.
6. Being ahead of the game knowing more about secondary school before my biological eldest's friends parents (those that don't have older kids!).
7. The privilege of being alive.
8. Discovering that my marriage is made of strong stuff.
9. Knowing that without God this could have been so much worse.
10. Watching the three kids play together, like they have never known any different.

Proud Moma Moment - A Different Christmas.

 

At the end of October we went and stayed with my sons God-Parents and had been having a conversation with them about Christmas.  Their children are much younger than ours (3 and 1 year old), they are both Anglican ministers and run a Parish in Cheshire together.  Christmas therefore is an extremely busy time for them.  So far they have managed to keep 'Santa' out of their Christmas celebrations completely.  We were having a discussion about how that might continue and it got me thinking why I chose to go the route I did with my family.  I have to be honest and admit that it wasn't something I felt I made a conscious decision about.  My children are not the eldest within the wider family, so maybe I just picked up the traditions that my siblings and parents had already put in place.  I feel quite ashamed that I did not put more thought into it.

In November I was reading another of Ann Voskamps posts at Holy Experience and it shook me to my core, it once again took me back to why as a family we do the things we do at Christmas.  In her post she describes how 10 years ago when her son was 5 years old, he suddenly asked why people get presents at Christmas, when everyone normally gets presents on their birthdays and this was Jesus's birthday.  Her reaction to this was to invest in presents for Jesus and not for their family members - a tradition that they have carried on ever since.

This year I was working up until Christmas Eve, the first time since I started paid employment within the church.  I found this far more focused my mind on the reality of Advent and Christmas.  Boosted by the idea that Ann took on for her family, I chatted with my husband and we decided to talk to the children about it.  This meant no longer talking about Santa leaving presents, we knew our eldest two (13 and 11) didn't 'believe' in Santa but knew we just talked about him with a twinkle in our eyes, however I was not totally certain about my youngest daughter (9 years).  We sat together after a meal and I told them about the blog post that Ann wrote.  We chatted about Santa and why we have always followed the tradition that we have - honestly.  They were all very interested and understanding in our discussions.  Then came the point when I made the suggestion - "How would you all feel about not having presents from your parents/carers this year?"  I quickly reassured them that we could still do stockings (small things including lots of sweeties), feeling that cutting everything out might just be too overwhelming.  I also pointed out that they would still get presents from wider family members and friends and we would still buy presents for them to.

It was during this conversation that we started talking about the stuff that they often got, usually one main present (a toy, etc) and then lots of smaller presents of things that to be honest I would at any other time of the year buy them anyway.  For example, wellies, pyjamas, new underwear, new school bags, etc.  We all agreed that generally we are in the very luxurious position of being able to get the things we need in our life. My husband and I most definitely did not 'need' anything and I knew he found present buying very very stressful. We then started chatting about what sort of things Jesus would like for his birthday.  With some very gentle encouragement they started to understand that he would probably want things for those that don't have anything, or at least very little.

So on the afternoon of Christmas Eve we sat down together after lunch with an Oxfam unwrapped brochure.  I gave each one of us a sum of money and then read through the brochure so we all knew what was in it.  Once I had done this we went round in turn and said what we would like to spend our money on.  I was so very proud of them all, there was no moaning, no mournful looking faces.  Instead we were laughing and playing a little game of guessing how much things might be before I gave them the answer.

It was really lovely when just after the New Year we received a whole load of cards from Oxfam showing all the items that we had purchased, we were all able to again reflect on what we had chosen for Jesus.  The photo at the top of the page is just a small number of these cards, but things like a toilet, a shelter, home care assistant and clean water were just some of the things we were able as a family to give to those who needed it.

I have to confess that we did still treat the children - we brought one family present - a games console, the first time I had purchased one of these for over 14 years (and then it was for my husband as we had no children).  However we didn't let them see this until they had already opened other family/friends presents and their stockings and been to church, and needless to say it has been a great hit.

My youngest summed up the whole experience this Christmas a couple of days ago with "can we or at least can I do this again next Christmas please".  I most certainly think a new tradition has begun.

A Good Friend.

Today it is my dear friend Ko's birthday.  I have known her since the year we moved to our present home 8 1/2 years ago (where we knew no-one).  For her young years (I can say that because she is younger than me!), she seems to have had to cope with far more downs than ups.  When I first met her it was in the creche of the church we both belonged to about 6 months after we had moved there.  She was dropping off her two children, 3 yrs and a 3 month old.  She explained to me that her eldest a little boy had come with his 'daddy' book this morning as he was missing his father - he had died about a month or so previously.  She had been widowed just before her 30th birthday with two small children.  Our contact over the next 6 months was occasional.  We had some play dates with the children (our boys are the same school year).  Another vivid memory I have was about 6 months later when she told me she had met some-one through an Internet support forum for those who had lost their partners. It was probably the first time I saw the heavy weight that she had been bearing being lifted.  There was a sparkle in her eyes, that was probably when I first really started to get to know her and she was fab!

I read an (as yet) unpublished book that another friend has written last week.  In it she describes a sunset,  I hope she won't mind me sharing the analogy she uses (I won't write it beautifully like she does, you will have to buy the book for that).  It has to do with the fact that a sunset is only beautiful and coloured because of the dust in the air.  It is these imperfections that cause the light from the sun to reflect in different ways, without it there would be nothing except plain sun light.  I can look at my friend Ko and see this.  She is beautiful not just from the outside but from the inside.  These last couple of years since the death of my sister, she has been the one person my age (I do like to consider I am younger than I am) who I know has a bit of an understanding of how I have been feeling.  This has natural drawn us closer,  She married her second husband on my birthday 5 years ago and their second baby together (yes they have four in all) is mine and my husbands youngest God child.

Today we were supposed to go and have a nice birthday lunch together, however her hubby has just popped round to say that she has woken up and been ill so gone back to bed.  Something always goes wrong on her birthday - last year it was snow that prevented them from going to the a pre-booked show in London!  However I know that we will make up for it soon and just pray her a very speedy recovery and I want her to know just how much I love and adore her.  Happy Birthday Ko x.

When you can't do anything right!

                                                                       Picture from google images.




I have had a horrible week this week, I seem to be falling out with everybody!  Yesterday for the first time in my life I found myself shouting at my dad!  The result of all this is I feel like one hell of a bad guy - after all I am the common denominator in the upsets.


I wonder if it is to do with just another 'life stage' that we seem to be going through.  There have been a lot of deaths and some very serious illness occurred in our church family this last few months.  Amongst our friends there seems to be an increase in their parents becoming ill and requiring more help and/or dying.  I know I should be feeling compassionate and empathetic towards them all but I don't.  When I see that someone has lived three score years and ten (plus quite a lot, some of them!)then it feels like they have had a long life.  I know this probably all relates to the grief that I still feel over my little sister dying at 36 years old nearly two years ago. 

My husbands parents have both passed away, his father 10 years ago and his mother just over 2 1/2 years ago.  I on the other hand still have both my parents and my grandmother (really my great Aunt on my mothers side). The later is in a nursing home requiring full time care, she no longer knows who her family are, except that she often refers to my mum as being her sister who died 10 years ago.  However my parents no longer feel like my parents.  Since my sister died they have gone from their 'young' real ages (now 65 and 64 years) to elderly folk who can no longer look after others.  I am really struggling with this!  I am not ready to take on more caring!  I am struggling enough looking after my 'new' family. So why do I feel so guilty about letting them just get on with what they are doing and accepting the flack that they give me when I am not 'helping'?

I have been wondering this morning whether this is actually progress - that I have been able to express some frustration to my father on earth.  Through all the trying times of the last few years I have never once felt angry towards God my father in heaven.  I have been told by many that I can be, that it is allowed, that He is big enough to cope with my anger - but I have just not felt it.  Maybe the anger is starting to come out - I just so hope I don't upset anyone irreparably in the process!

Maybe I need to be wearing some sort of danger sign around my neck to warn people of possible explosions  or maybe I just need to stay in doors today and do a bit of crafting!

Tired but still thank full.

We have had a very busy weekend, but have so much to be thankful for:

225. Friends visiting from Australia with their latest edition to the family since we saw them last.

226.  My boy pleased with himself for making fire!

227.  My eldest also getting a successful go.

228.  The growth of a family, 3 friends became 3 couples and between us we have 9 children!

229.  My boy makes his own marshmallow toasting fork.

230.  Something my safety aware and fire shy youngest dares to join in with.

231.  Fun into the night.

232.  Visting critters from the garden.
234.  Stamina to keep going when I really need to.

A Trip to the National Theatre with a Difference.

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I really treated the children.  We collected all three early from school to take them on a trip into London, we were due to arrive at the National Theatre (NT) by 5.30pm, not to watch anything within the actual theatres, but to see a friend who is trying to make it big time in the music business - Jem Cooke.  I have known Jem since she was 11 years old, her younger sister Amy was my bridesmaid, I got married from their house and their parents Dave and Tina are my 10 year old sons God-parents.  Most of Jems 'gig's' are late at night in clubs - not the sort of place you can take the children.  This one however was in the foyer at the NT - perfect time for catching folk who are having a drink before leaving for home from the city and those arriving early for a meal before a performance.

leaving from our 'local' train station.

on the train

the very nice foyer                                                                                         

                                                                  she got peoples attention :o)

the lady herself                                                                                                      

                                                              The wonderful 'Dangerous' Dave

it was interesting for us to see a 'drawing' group all doing their own takes of the scene.

Bean Burger and Fries to end the evening off nicely on the train home.

It really was a most wonderful evening, we were back home for 9.30 and the two youngest still managed to get up for school the next day with a great story to tell.