What a decade!

To say that the last 10 years has been eventful sounds dramatic, but I mean it, it really has been:

December 2008 we had to cancel my 40th birthday trip to Prague with my husband as we had my 36 year old sister's funeral the day after my birthday.

January 2009 we help move my (maternal side) grand-mother to the midlands and sell her house in Surrey.  She was moved into a home as her dementia was deteriorating after a brief physical illness.

May 2009 we took in my 12 year old niece to live with us as my parents could no longer manage her behaviour.  My children at the time were 8 and 9 1/2 years old.  Over the next two years there were legal implications that resulted from her father completely disowning her which led to tribunals and court cases.

July 2009 I had surgery on both of my knees (the result of my rheumatoid and oesteo arthritis).

January 2010 my 65 year old father had a stroke, he was at this time the main carer for my mother who was suffering from a complete mental breakdown following the death of my sister and not being able to manage her grand daughter.

March 2010 we finally started to get some mental health support for our niece as her school work and behaviour were all deteriorating very quickly.

April 2010 my father appeared to have physically recovered from his stroke however it left a significant cognitive impairment, which turned this incredibly laid back and un flustered man to become a persistent worrier.  

September 2010 my Dad managed to convince my mum to downsize to a bigger house!!!!! (Why did we not question this move more).they were still in the same town in the midlands a little further away from my brother.  He was convinced that getting her out of a house that needed work doing to it and was full of memories of my sister would do her good.  It didn't.

February 2011 my niece made her first suicide attempt, we woke up to the sound of her being ill in the night and managed to find out what she had taken and get her to hospital in time.

May 2011 we could no longer manage my nieces behaviour and she was taken into the care of social services.  After several failed foster placements (some only managing 1 day) she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. For the next two years she was in and out of various hospitals before being admitted long term to a unit 200 miles away from us. I also had to cope with her accusing my father of sexually abusing her (something she did later retract) but fractured my relationship with her and him non the less.

October 2011 my father unexpectedly died from an dissected aortic aneurysm. My mothers mental health deteriorated to the point of having to be hospitalised near us (she was staying with us at the time).

January 2012 we moved my mum into rented accommodation near us on the south coast.  She needed constant mental health service support over the proceeding year.

February 2012 my Grandmother died.

June 2012 I had to give up my part time job as I couldn't cope mentally or physically with home life demands.

January 2013 my mother succeeded in taking her own life.

2014 was quite uneventful except for the continued caring for my niece.  I was still the only person that kept in regular contact with her ( sometimes up to 4 phone calls a day from her mental health unit).

May 2015 we noticed that my youngest daughter was not eating much.  By the time we realised it was serious she was already dangerously under weight. We were immediately offered help which was difficult to accept at the beginning having had so many negative experiences with my niece.

September 2016 my daughter was admitted to a mental health eating disorder unit.  She stayed here for almost 6 months.

March 2017 my eldest child then 17 told me that they knew they were trans gender - I knew they were troubled but didn't realise this was the case.  We were asked not to tell anyone except the gp so that we could get a gender clinic referral.

May 2017 my youngest daughter was discharged and a week later started her GCSE exams at school. She managed to pass them all except one and was able to enrol into sixth form college.

September 2017 we were told by our vet that our dear dog Pippin was very ill and might just have weeks left not months.  We were so blessed to have her for another 9 months after this.

May 2018 our world was completely rocked to the core.  We discovered a deception that meant contact could no longer be kept with my niece. This story belongs to my youngest daughter if and when she decides to tell the world.

 

June 2018 my eldest daughter finally felt able to publicly transition to female, she had chosen her new name and was ready in her self to go forwards.  We also lost my darling dog, Pippin.

September 2018 we finally had  NHS appointment for my eldest at the gender clinic, we had already started on treatment privately and are still waiting on the NHS to take over this.

October 2018 my eldest daughter moved to York to start her degree course in maths.

Which takes us to my birthday this year, yes it was the big 50.  I had a lovely intimate party with just a few friends ( I don't cope well with big gatherings anymore).  I was totally spoilt rotten by friends and my small family.  We had got our puppy just a week before hand called Merry by my youngest  and my eldest daughter was home from university (which she is loving).

I felt very much that God was saying it was time to put this decade behind me.  Within a week of my 50's my youngest daughter was accepted into a London music conservatoire to study saxophone performance.  She also got a distinction in her Grade 8 exam.  To top even that we then found she had been awarded a reasonably substantial scholarship which would help to fund a London placement!

So I am excited about 2019, I am learning to leave the feeling of dread of what will come next behind me.  There is still a long way to go for healing for all four of us but it actually now feels as though this healing is attainable and there actually might be a time of great blessing from all these bad times.

What do you do for a 14 year old boys birthday????

My husband reminded me the other day that I should really blog about something really really nice that we did during half term.  How remiss of me not to have shared it with you.

I saw an amazing picture on a friends facebook page recently, she had taken her newly turned 14 year old son and his older sister to a place in Basingstoke where you can do indoor skydiving.

Now I have a confession to make - I have always wanted to skydive and do a wing walk on an aeroplane.  I can't explain why - my counsellor reckons it is probably something to do with the feeling of freedom that these activities might give me.  Anyhow, with all my health issues and with what has been going on in my family over the last 5 years, putting any desires like these out there has been impossible.

Then half term came, along with my sons 14th birthday.  He isn't a hugely social lad, he has a small good bunch of friends, but he is also very happy playing on his computer, games console, etc (like so many others it seems).  In previous years we have let him go out bowling with a couple of friends, or to the cinema and then getting a take-out - that sort of thing.  This year he didn't seem to be showing any great desire to do these things.

Can you see where this is going????????  I made the suggestion that maybe he would like to go and do the indoor skydiving thing - well that impressed him no end.  When I asked if he fancied doing it all together as a family (including his little sister) I was absolutely delighted when he said yes.

So it was booked a couple of days before and despite little sisters nerves we all looked forward to it.

And I have to say it did not disappoint any of us.

Yes it was pricey, but then we had kept presents to a minimum and this was the big treat of the holidays as well as for my sons birthday.  Would you like to see some photo's?

First we had to have our hands stamped (after completing very large risk disclaimers!).

Here is the birthday boy

He got the hang of it very quickly, the second picture shows him going off for a tandem ride up to the top of the wind tunnel with the instructor - we all got to do that once we had mastered the art of  'flying'

Next to have a turn was my hubby - it appeared to be much more difficult for us 'oldies' than the children - something to do with relaxing and being bendy I think!

Next it was my turn!  The instructor was so nice, I was a little concerned that he might grab me to harshly by the arms or legs (as it seemed he had been doing with some others we watched) which would have rattled my joints, but a quick chat and he made sure he held me just by my suit.

And lastly it was the little sisters turn, she had taken so much convincing that she would be okay doing it, reassuring her right up to the last minute that she could pull out (but we wouldn't let her pull out before doing the safety briefing and getting dressed up).  She loved it and being so light, kept flying away!

I was so exhilarated afterwards, and the photo below shows my son with a smile - not something that he easily gives away these days.

 I think his Dad rather enjoyed himself too.

So much fun and then I had the thrill of putting photo's on facebook and surprising everyone that I had done it to - I didn't realise that it would be such a surprising thing!

This week I have also hit 28,000 page views on this blog, with the number of posts that averages out to about 85 per post.  Goodness me!  Thank you for popping by!

Another Year Older

Autumn has been hard.  We have had the first anniversary of my dad suddenly dying and the 4th anniversary of my little sister dying.  My mums mental health is raising serious concern, so far we have managed to keep her out of hospital this time.  My nieces troubled behaviour continues, though again Praise God she has not managed to get herself physically moved on again, except for short hospital stays.  My health has as usual been up and down.  My medication is under review and this week have the great joy of hip steroid injections to look forward to!

There are however days of loveliness usually provided by my dear long suffering husband.  My birthday this year was definitely one of them.

After a luxurious lie in we set off for a walk in the beautiful New Forest village of Beaulieu

It was so much fun watching my puppy dog Pippin getting a surprise when the water 'broke' under her feet, though she did seem to enjoy licking the ice!

I spent a long time choosing some delicious chocolate from this chocolate shop and enjoyed watching these little elves busily working away.

 We then retreated to a local hostelry for lunch.

 Pippin very quickly settled down.

Then in the evening after present opening with the children when they had returned from school I got taken for a lovely meal at a local Italian restaurant.  There was even time for some fizz and chocolate while my husband and I watched some funnies on the television afterwards while the children were out at activities.

Big Birthdays.

We had a big birthday in the house last week, my first born has finally reached his long awaited 13th birthday.  I have a teenager in the house once again.

I had to take a quick picture of this as we took him his birthday breakfast in bed, This little sign was on a birthday card from a dear friend last year saying Watch out almost a teenager, as you can see he had popped out of bed while we were downstairs and scribbled out the almost and put A teenager.

Here he is enjoying his breakfast. you might just about make out our flying puppy dog trying to get a little closer to that brekky!

We planned a quiet day, he had already been out a couple of weekends before hand to celebrate with some friends to a theme park without parental supervision for the first time!

It is very strange approaching this age with a young person again.  The last time was when we had my niece living with us, the first birthday she had with us was 13, 10 months after she arrived.  So much has happened since then.  The difference this time is that I have been been there from the beginning with my first born.  From our bed to moses basket, from moses basket to cot, from cot to child's bed, from child's bed to his current single bed.  Hopefully there will be no more beds while he is at our home but many more birthdays still to come.

I am so proud and thankful of all that he has brought into our lives and pray that he will bear with us as we try to navigate through his teenage years with him.

This is the yummy, chocolate, fudge toffee cake that my 11 year old daughter made for him

she has got a little longer to wait, though is quite desperate to get there already!  Hopefully we can help her to wait patiently and enjoy the 17 months she still has before she gets there!

Sad Birthdays

Today should have been my Daddy's 67th birthday, but sadly for us, along with my little sister who will remain 36 years old for ever more he will always remain 66 years old. I miss you both x.

Monday Grattitude.

I might not have been writing down my blessings on a Monday, but this is becoming such a way of life since I started counting with Ann Voskamp (press the link at the bottom of this post).  I would still very much like to get to 1000 though!

730.  Internet shopping for the few bits that I need avoiding going to the shops and seeing things that I don't need.

731.  Chatty phone calls with my niece.

732.  A job that allows me to get over my jet lag with flexible hours.

733.  A nice tidy desk ready for a new term.

734.  Several crochet projects on the go at once.

735.  Pinterest - I'm loving all the ideas it is generating in my head.

736.  Stag Antlers!  A cheap, environmentally/animal friendly dog chew which my puppy dog adores and is going to save me A LOT of money on not giving her a daily chew that she consumes quicker and quicker when we leave her.

737.  Giggling girls eating together in a restaurant.

738.  Snuggling in bed with my duvet after the heat of our holiday.

739.  Facebook scrabble - I missed you!

Remembering Discovery Cove - Florida 2012

At the end of March it was my daughter's 11th birthday.  We booked our long trip to Florida purposely to fall over her birthday as this was the first one she was going to have by herself for some years.  Until  May last year we had my niece living with us who turned 15 years old on the same day.  Wasn't that clever of my sister and I to both have our baby girls on the same day!  After all the trauma of particularly this last year, this birthday needed to be different.  I ensured that my niece would be getting a good day with at least one visitor back at home.

We booked the holiday back in August last year.  The idea for what we did to celebrate this birthday did not come together until just a month before we went.  My mother gave us a special monetary gift just at the time when we were trying to decide whether we could afford to do this special thing or not.  When we told her about it, she was delighted that the gift would go towards it.  So what did we do?  We swam with dolphins.

Discover Cove opened in 2001.  I have heard lots of very mixed reports about it.  The cost is one thing people always comment on, it is very expensive, however being there convinced me that the money is being spent well.  Keeping the dolphins working and captive is another report I had heard, however many of their 44 dolphins have either be born there or are rescued from other zoos/parks/rescue centres.  Back in 1998 my husband and I swam with dolphins in the Florida Keys and we knew this experience would not be the same as that.  This was part of the reason why we did not try and repeat that experience, we swam in very deep water, snorkeling to keep up with the dolphins, which would have been far to difficult for an 11 year old.  So what did our experience consist of.......

All food and drink for the day is included in the package, it is all buffet style and there was plenty of choice (even for us fussy vegetarians!).  We therefore arrived at 8am ready for breakfast, we had to queue for a while to get our photo passes completed and our time for our dolphin experience to be booked in.  Then straight to the restaurant to eat pastries, french toast, cereal, yoghurt and fruit.

Our time with the dolphins was to be around 12.30pm, so we found a nice shady spot and made up a little camp for the day with some chairs and sun loungers.  Then it was time to go and get changed and measured up with either a wet suit or vest for the day.  I opted for the vest (the easiest to wear by far), but I encouraged the others to wear wetsuits as this gave them good coverage to protect from the sun which we would be in all day.  We picked up our little bags, containing snorkel, mask and dolphin friendly suncream and we were all set.

There is a large lazy river/reef that goes around the park.  This is shallow enough for fun snorkeling for the children and challenging enough with deep areas in the river to stretch their swimming skills (though floats are available).  It was a lovely 30 degrees temperature (the same as our pool at the villa) and was terribly inviting.  The children spent most of their day in here, no wave machines, or slides, just snorkeling fun.

 There was also a beautiful aviary area, with lots and lots of very unusual birds, there were pots of food available and we saw many people with birds on their hands having their lunch.  I watched mesmerised by one very small bird that managed to eventually get through a whole grape which was probably bigger than it's head!  My husband managed to catch this wonderful peacock in all his glory:

The drinks,slushies, icecreams and snacks that were on offer kept us well topped up so that we decided we would have a late lunch after our dolphin experience.  We had been watching other people having their experience and so the children particularly could see exactly what they were going to be doing.  We were given an allocated time to go to a particular area where we had to sign disclaimers and watch a safety video.  This briefing was very well done and I was most impressed with their care for the animals.  One large family in our group had their time delayed because one of their allocated dolphins had gone to sleep!

We were paired with another family of four and led to our area in the large lagoon.  The trainers were very knowledgeable and we were able to ask all sorts of questions.  The dolphins were gently introduced to us by swimming along in front of us all and we were encouraged to put our hands out to stroke them.  We were in water that was waist/chest deep on the children, it has to be said it was very cold even with wetsuits on, this is obviously what is necessary to keep the animals happy.

We were then given the opportunity to watch the dolphins do a few movements and to give them instructions on how to do some as well (like splashing us all).  There was then the chance to give one of our dolphins a kiss, we had an older one and a teenager swimming with us, the teenager did the fin pull swim with us, while the older one lay on his back letting us rub his tummy!

Here are a few more pictures:

There was also another lagoon full of fish and rays, I didn't go in here, swimming with fish is not my idea of fun, no idea why dolphins is okay and little fish not but there you go.  My son and husband went and swam in here and said the experience of gliding above rays whose fins stretched out as wide as their arms was amazing.

This is not the sort of treat that we would try and do again soon,  I hope one day when the children are older they might like to either go and do this again or do the experience that we did down in the Florida Keys.  For the healing and memory making experience we wanted this to be - it far succeeded all we could have imagined.