Neglect

                                                    Hengistbury Head, Dorset, August 2012.

I haven't purposely been neglecting my blog, it's just sort of happened!  Over the summer holidays I was purposely trying to spend more time with my family doing things than sitting on my computer.  However there is another little venture that has been taking up any spare time - I have opened a shop on the folksy site - if you are interested in taking a peek you can find it by following this link.  I am still to make a sale yet but trying very hard not to get disheartened.

We did manage to have some very exciting adventures over the summer, including a trip to Paris and Switzerland!  We managed to get to the paralympics in the stadium and watched a GB wheelchair racer get a gold medal!  There have been some days at the beach despite the overall terrible weather we have had.

My niece has now finally been released from the secure forensic psychiatric unit she has been in since the end of December and seems to be settling in her new children's home.  It is about a 60 mile round trip to go and see her but we are trying to maintain regular contact.  She is going to be starting college hopefully in the next few weeks, skipping year 11 of school as she has missed so much, so that will be another great achievement for her.

My mum is still trying to decide whether she wants to stay down in the south or move back to the east midlands.  I would love to be able to help her make this decision but unfortunately it is one she has to make herself.  I will miss her if she goes back, but want her to be where she might find some happiness.

My health continues to be up and down, having all the focus on the paralympics this last few weeks has been difficult.  I find myself feeling very jealous that some people with disabilities are able to find great things to excel in, whereas for me I just see all the obstacles, not just health probs but money ones too!  IU am trying to keep up with my swimming, though this has been difficult over the summer holidays as the pool is so full of children, I have taken the opportunity to take my daughter a few times though.  At the moment I have pulled a muscle in my neck which is very very painful and restricting, probably brought on by tensing my shoulders after walking too much and getting painful legs at the weekend!

So I will try and remedy the neglect that has occurred to this poor old blog and catch up with all my fellow bloggers who I have also been neglecting!  Thanks for bearing with me!

Easter Worship

We were in a bit of a quandry about what to do on Easter Sunday morning.  It is such a special time of celebration for Christians, that being on holiday was not a good enough reason to let it pass by.  None of us fancied trying to find a church, I didn't want to be going to a theme park.

In the quiet I felt the prompt of His Holy Spirit to go and see the sunrise over the Atlantic ocean, something that is not possible in the UK.  We had planned to go to the Kennedy Space Centre at some point and as that is by the coast a plan came together.  My dear husband did a search on the map to find a good place to go.  We ended up at Jetty Park and when we arrived we noticed there were lots of people despite the very early hour.  It just so happened that the local church were having an outdoor sunrise service.  The beach was big enough to accommodate everyone with some personal space, the added bonus of worship songs playing was fab.

It has been quite difficult to get into Holy Week, away from home and friends. However being forced to rethink and spend time alone with God has been great.

What I was not expecting while reflecting on the glory of the sunrise I was watching in the photo above,  considering that morning when Mary went to the tomb was the shadow of grief that passed over me.

Grief is a funny old thing.  As time passes you get used to the fact that the world is different when wearing grief glasses, you get used to that being the normal.  However I now seem to going through a new phase of grief shadows.  I don't know how long they are going to keep me, sometimes they are long  and sometimes they are short.  This Easter Sunday it was thankfully short, though the intensity of loss was deep.  So much has changed since last Easter, important people in my life are now missing.

The tears that flowed so freely were so welcome that morning, being on holiday has been stirring lots of memories and emotions but the release of tears had not come.  Praise Jesus for the freedom and release he gave us by his ressurection.

Through the Eyes of my daughter.

My 11 year old daughter has had the camera out, these pictures of hers capture some real blessings.

 690. A walk with my family.

 691. The rotten stuff in our lives being washed away.

 692.  Love that knows no boundaries.

 693.  Sunshine.

 694.  Long legged shadows.

 695.  My secure fortress.

 696.  My rock.

 697.  Blue sky and green grass.

 698.  Sea spray on our faces.

 699.  The eyes that saw it all.

Despite misgivings.

Despite many misgivings, our Easter break turned out to be okay - even quite fun in parts :o).  It started off with our trip to Spring Harvest which I talked about in my last post.  We then had a nice day at the beach and then onto friends for supper together last Tuesday

Then on Thursday my parents arrived for an Easter holiday stay with us.  We also had friends come over who we got to go out for a meal with while my parents sat for the children - this was the first time we had had this particular foursome in an evening for over 11 years!  It was made particularly special by the fact that we could walk to a very fine Thai restaurant.

Friday I was working in the morning doing the family service for Good Friday which I took the children to, while hubby was at work and my parents stayed home to do some weeding in my garden for me.  That evening we treated ourselves to another meal out this time into the New Forest at another favourite pub restaurant with all the family, that was lots of fun especially as we found a pack of cards to play pontoon with while we waited for our food.  We then had a little amble to walk off our fine meal

Saturday we had a lazy day around at home and of course Sunday was Easter Sunday, I took almost 40 children out to do their own activities for an hour in the service.  It was also very special as my two youngest took Holy Communion for the first time as well.

Doing something Different.

 Our Messy Church crafts and my Easter Cake.

For the last 4 months I have been off work after asking for 6 months unpaid leave.  That left us in a bit of a difficult place as I work for the church where we have been worshipping.  It is not a place that we really feel is 'home' as churches have in the past and therefore has made us feel quite liberated.  We have taken the opportunity to worship at a lot of different places, friends churches, old churches we have attended in the past, other local churches, which has been a good experience for us and the children I think.  We have also taken the opportunity to not doing any 'formal' worship on Sunday mornings, choosing to stay as a family and make our own 'church' for a half hour at home some times.

We attended a lovely 'Messy Church' at our local Methodist Church on Good Friday.  This was not particularly aimed at the age group of our children, however our eldest was running a small craft group and doing her first public 'puppet' show, so we all went to give her our support.

 our Motley crew how have we grown from 4 adult friends to 10?

Easter Saturday we met up with an old Christian buddy who I have not seen for 2 years we spent a wonderful day eating together, walking together, talking together (and later the men kids watched Dr Who giving me and Naomi a chance for a good girly chin wag).

Easter Sunday we had intended to try and go to the 6.30am Sunrise service in our near by town as the children have never experienced one of these.  However we got back very late from our friends on Saturday and made the agreement that if our puppy woke us up early we would go, if she didn't we wouldn't.  Low and behold for the first time in a very long time she did not wake up until 6.20 - too late for us to get to the service.  Instead we all stayed in bed until each one of us was ready to get up (in my case 10am - very unusual!).  When we had all wished each other a happy Easter morning and breakfasted my husband and I did a small easter egg hunt in the garden for the children.  As they are getting older and enjoy a little quiz, they all had to answer questions on the Easter story before they could go off and search for something!  This was great fun and the girls enjoyed it so much they did one for me later in the day!  My husband took the quiet opportunity to go and take some photos of the beautiful flowers in our garden, I spent some time looking over the budding and flowering garden and came across a butterfly I have never seen before.

After a light lunch of hot cross buns we met up with some friends (a work pal of my husbands and his wife and dog) and went for a walk on the beach near where they live.  This was very very liberating and gave me a chance to privately worship with the wind and the sunshine.

It is probably the first time I have ever really completely been bowled over by the concept of the Ressurection on easter Sunday.  That might sound so daft considering how many of these services I have been to.  However, for a good many years now I have usually been working in one form or another during the service with the children.  This has meant I have focused on different aspects of the Easter story - and never gone into any great mature depth of the Ressurection.  However, when I woke up I was thinking/dreaming about my late sister and I had the most distinct picture of her dancing with Jesus.  This is when it struck me, if it hadn't of been for what happened on that cross then my sister would not have been with Jesus - we would have stayed seperated from God - that is just the most unbearable thought.

We returned home happy, healthy and ready for a lovely meal together - a very enjoyable but very different Easter Sunday, the first since being a Christian when I haven't been to formal 'Church'.

174. Our beautiful home, our safe haven.
175. Friends who let time go and just enjoy the moments we do get together.
176. Nourishing food on our table.
177. God speaking to me through my own experience to deepen my understanding.
178. Children happy to go along with our flexible 'church' approach at the moment.
179. Fairtrade chocolate!
180. My eldest showing great maturity and self-constraint in conversation with her natural father.
181. My body, allowing me to walk, especially those knees.
182. The opportunity to go away on a Christian conference this week - Spring Harvest here we come.
183. Watching a film with a glass of wine in the evening.

Some one is Missing.

It was my mums birthday on Sunday. Her first birthday since her youngest daughter died. To do something very different for her we went to the beach. We couldn't have done this with Sally, her wheelchair would never have coped with the sand. It was a quiet and pensive day because we all knew that someone was missing.

Finding a new Beach

Last Saturday we were invited to go and join some friends for a beach barbecue down on Hayling Island where they live (about 45 mins drive from us). We have visited theirs before and know that the beaches down there are all quite pebbly. That is the reason why we have never looked at going there on 'beach' days as our children love sand. Imagine my surprise when we were greeted by this site.

It was quite a difficult walk over a very pebbly bit of beach to start with but we went round a corner and were met by an expanse of over a mile of sandy beach. This is one of those beaches that only appears when it is low tide. We arrived about 4.30pm to find it quite dull and grey around the edges, the forecast was a bit mixed but we all decided we would brave it out no matter what.

We were soooo pleased that we did. Within 45 minutes the clouds cleared and for the rest of the evening we had blue sky and sunshine.

The children played in the sand.

Walked our friends dog.

Paddled in the sea.

Frisbee and cricket were both played. We also got to watch lots of great big Cruise liners leaving Southampton Water into the Channel as they all left for great adventures.

Good food and drink were consumed and it really was just a smashing afternoon. It was great fun to watch the tide slowly coming in and by the time we left after 7pm we were the only ones left on this stretch. It really couldn't have been much more perfect. Thank God for the lovely area that we live in and for lovely friends x.