Don't know what else I can say about it really. I have now had it for 12 1/2 years. In many ways it is better than it sometimes has been. I no longer seems to have 'episodes' where it gets worse than other times. However I find exercising difficult have got osteoarthritis in my ankles and knees which means I am now VERY overweight. I am seeing an orthopaedic surgeon next week to see if anything can be done about myknee. I know he is going to not like my weight! He's not alone, I don't like it either.
I am in an amount of pain all the time, on a 1 - 10 scale, I would probably score it around a 5 most of the time. I am sure it is kept reasonably controlled by my drug regime - this means I take between 13 and 17 tablets a day - yes I do rattle considerably. I can sometimes trust that the pain is there as a reminder to not overdo stuff - I know that when I am feeling good, I generally tend to overdo it.
It was very difficult in the later stages of my pregnancies and when I was trying to breastfeed. However I have always had my sister in the background, she went on to be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and was hospitalised for the first year of my sons life. So God has always given me the resources to cope with a load of stuff going on, but I do sometimes get weary.
I am weary at the moment. I am concerned about what, if anything will be done to my knee. I would love a magic wand to be waved. Years of praying over an issue of healing is tiring in it's self. I have been through periods of time when I have suddenly been aware that I haven't prayed for healing in a while. Then I feel guilty that I haven't been praying! Other times I can feel so frustrated and feel that God is just not listening - or even worse - telling me to shut up and stop moaning about it - there are worse things!!! There is also that frustrating thing about having to listen to peoples remedies ( I plead guilty as charged for the times I know I have done this). I then feel my intelligence is being insulted as well as my body.
When I am feeling low about all this, I cling on to my vision of Heaven from the Bible..... no more pain, no more tears, a new body!!! Bring that on!!!
7 hours ago