Wednesday, 4 March 2009

All Plain Sailing?

You would think that after meeting my husband to be, knowing for sure he was the one for me, it really should have been plain sailing from then on - shouldn't it?

The first slight spanner that I had constructed was my sisters wedding. Not wanting to go alone I had requested the company of my last boyfriend (before becoming a Christian). That was fine at the time - now though I had a BOYFRIEND! I didn't feel I had any right to not take the first person I had asked, but definitely did not want to leave the REAL one behind. So the first not taking the hint - I ended up taking both!! They were both in the know about each other, I hid nothing, and spent the whole day trying not to make either feel uncomfortable, therein giving myself plenty of unnecessary stress.

The second slightly bigger spanner that emerged was that my boyfriend, could not ever imagine himself getting married and definitely not having children (there were a lot of very good reasons for this, but that is his story to tell not mine). Boy that was tough, I could never imagine my life without these things. I will be eternally grateful to some wise mentors who helped us both through this period. It lasted almost a year with no visible (I know realise there was plenty of invisible) movement in each others desires - that was very hard going. Trusting God through this time was sooooo difficult, it was the first time that I really felt under pressure to keep trusting. His Grace though gave me the strength.

Peer pressure was also prevalent at this time. Not that my peers were putting pressure on me, I realise that I was actually putting the pressure on myself. Watching friends getting married just made me feel as though I was getting left behind - how positively silly this sounds now. It was also around this time that some friends were starting to have babies - and I wanted one!!!

Strange when you look back on incidences like this, I can still feel some of the pain that I was feeling then. If only I was perfect then I wouldn't still have to go through experiences to learn how to trust my God more than I do already.

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