Do you ever have those moments when you want to be able to throw a tantrum and have everyone just leave you alone, or maybe someone just gently distract you with something nice to help you get over it?
That is how I was feeling last week as I put pen to paper to write to my niece - I really didn't want to do it. However taking a big reality check, I knew that if I didn't apologise for getting so angry towards her then I was not really acting like the adult I would like her to grow up to be.
That got me thinking. As adults/parents we take on the role of teaching the younger generation by how we act/behave, whether we are aware of it or not. This means we are modelling our good AND our bad behaviour.
If I had made no attempt to get back in touch with my niece, what would have happened. I may have had one person less making demands on my time and emotions, however it would have been at a cost. That cost being, not taking the opportunity to model how to 'make up' when things go wrong.
Could I have lived with myself knowing that not only had I been a part in breaking our relationship, but that I had also denied showing her how to make amends in tough situations as well?
Well I'm pleased to say that it has worked okay - so far. We are communicating again, I am withdrawing a little from the hands on 'caring' stuff. I shall be visiting less, not looking after her money or doing her shopping, hopefully this means I will not get so worn out. Sadly it seems her behaviour has gone back to square one again and there is no longer any talk about her being discharged by the time she is 18, instead a transfer to adult in patient services seems likely after she turns 18. This makes me very sad, but at least I know that I am not going to feel responsible for any failure an earlier discharge may have caused.
Back to the subject of apologies and owning up to mistakes, this whole debacle has made me much more aware of how important it is with my children (and others around me) to make sure I speak up. If we keep quiet about the mistakes we make how are our children going to ever learn that making mistakes happens. What has to be the most important thing is that we try and model to them how to deal with mistakes - even if it sucks!
I continue to count my blessings:
980. Communication restored.
981. Prayers whispered with friends.
982. Puppy dog keeping my legs warm as she sleeps.
983. Piles of fabric.
984. Sorting out advent calenders.
985. Counting swimming lengths.
986. No piles of leaves in the back garden.
987. Chilly evenings.
988. Browsing books in the library while girls shop.
989. Making Christmas puddings.
Many Blessings to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx