Monday, 5 January 2009

Daughter/Mother, Mother/Daughter.

As I finished a Milly Molly Mandy story with my daughter this evening, she was amazed when I told her that the stories had been written before her Grandma was born. I told her that I used to love the stories when I was younger which is why I am so enjoying reading them to her. She then asked me this simple question, 'Did your mummy read the stories to you?'.

Such a simple question but one that pains me so much. I recently read a friends blog that told a lovely story about a poem that she remembered her mum telling her when she was younger - the pain was the same then.

I was recently told a story by one of my mums oldest friends, it was at a sad occasion, the funeral of my little sister. I was one of three children - the middle child, eldest girl. This friend was commenting on how my little sister was the happy go lucky child, always with a smile on her face - I on the other hand was always the one throwing the tantrums. I knew this was true, but boy that hurt to hear it. She also told me how she first met me when I was just a hour or so old - I never new that. She said that my she had arrived at my mums flat for a planned lunch time catch up when my dad had opened the door and said 'come and meet our little girl' with a great big smile on his face. What happened??????

I have very few good childhood memories, no reading stories with my parents, no playing games with my parents, no cuddles, no songs - yet I know that my mum and dad love me now....... I just don't understand what happened. I do remember my mum showing me and my sister her doll from when she was a child - course I had no knowledge of what her childhood had been like at that point.

What do I remember?

  • The constant 'stop showing off' which my mum would say constantly in front of everyone and anyone.

  • Stealing money from my mums purse to go down to the shops to buy sweets.

  • Having to always have my little sister with me if friends came to play with me.

  • Loving anytime away from the house and my family.

  • Having my mouth washed out with soap.

  • The lies that constantly streamed out of my mouth, lies about nothing.

  • Loving falling over in the school playground so that I would have a scab on my knee to pick - urgh!

  • Being bullied by the girl next door, who spread stories about me round a new school.

  • Getting involved with boys wayyyyy to early.

  • Being asked by my parents if I wanted to go and live in a childrens home.

It might have all been miserable but I do know now that none of the things that happened to me were done with any malice in mind. I do so wish that I had known some of my mums background in those early days, maybe I would of understood more how much I was hurting her. Thank God that I grew up!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. ((((Jane)))) I am in tears. Just look at yourself now, you are a wonderful loving friend despite all of your experiences. Look at them as the building blocks that made you who you are, now is time to leave them behind.