Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Back to School

With all that had gone on going back to school (well college really!) was an interesting experience. I was beginning to beleive that I already had a wealth of life experiences, then suddenly I was one of the youngest on my course. Most folks on the course had been married, had children, had years of working experiences, or been home-making for years.

I never really fitted in and when a tall, strong, stranger started to make it apparant he was taking a shine to me, I lapped it all up. He was very popular and bore a very strong resemblance to the guy I had been living with. This time however, he adored me, he would do absolutely anything for me. Suddenly the tables had turned, I always knew I was taking advantage of him, that I did not feel like he did, but it didn't stop me. This wasn't the first time I had been in this position but some how it was different - before I had been younger and inexperienced, not doing anything with intention. This time I knew right from the beginning, how mean was that - I really knew how much I was hurting him but still continued, self gratification most certainly had it's grip on me.

I would love to say that I came to my senses and took the brave decision to end the relationship before too much harm was done, but I didn't - it continued for about 6 months and then it took The Big One upstairs to bring me to my senses.

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