Just to Tired.

                                                 picture from goggle images.

 
Have you ever been so tired that the longing of getting into bed consumes all your thoughts?

I have been having problems sleeping for many years now.  Sometimes it has been because my head has been full of emotional turmoil.  Most of the time it is because of my rheumatoid arthritis.  You see when I get into bed there is nothing to take my mind off what is happening with my body (unless there is emotional instability about other stuff!).

At the moment I am having to rely on medication to get me to sleep.  The only other solution that works is alcohol, though this sleep is usually very short lived!  The only problem with taking medication is it seems to do something to my dream life.  I wake up and cannot remember what has really happened and what was dream.  Occasionally the dreams are very disturbing, like the other night when I was living in some sort of slum being lorded over by bandits who were raping all the young girls!  Then other nights I can be convinced that my daughter and the dog have visited me in the night and have to take my husbands word for it that they didn't.

Whether it is just a culmination of lack of good quality sleep or something else, since lunch time yesterday sleep is all I want to do.  I went to bed about 7 after taking some meds. Apart from a couple of short wake ups I slept 'well'.  However today, just tidying up one small cupboard this morning has zapped all energy from me once again.  I gave in at 12.30pm and went to bed.  My lovely husband came and woke me at 2.30 and by 3 I managed to drag my self out of bed.  All I have managed to do since then is have something to eat and watch crappy tv.  All I want to do is go back to bed. 

In the past I have never been the sort of person that can sleep during the day.  I need to take medication to get me to sleep at night (even when I haven't slept during the day), then have problems waking up in the morning.  During the day I can just get into bed and go straight off.  None of this makes any sense.

I am sitting here thinking I could do a bit of crochet, or knitting - but the thoughts are fleeting, what I really want to do is go back to bed.  I need a bath or a shower, but I know if I do one of these, the chances of me not going straight to bed afterwards are very very slim.

The problem with me being tired is not really my problem.  I could quite happily just go and get into bed again.  But how do you explain to your children (even teenage and almost teenage) that the amount of sleep you have at night time is just not enough.  How can I stop my lovely hubby from worrying that there isn't something terribly wrong with me which is making me sleepy.

I do wish I had an on/off button with a recharge capacity.  These laptops and other whizzy devices don't know how lucky they are!