Searching for Wisdom

What a rollercoaster of a week we have had this week.  Wednesday was a really fab day (as had been Monday and Tuesday) culminating in a big treat for the kids as we took them out of school early to take them in London to see a friend, (whose trying to break big time in the music business) Jem Cooke  performing live in the lobby at the National Theatre.  Trains went smoothly, much fun was had and then we arrived home to 3 messages on the answer machine from my mum.

My dad (in the picture with my eldest), had a stroke, he's only 65 years old.  He had just been on a 5 mile bike ride with my mum and was in the supermarket.  He has survived, though it is early days he is in hospital.  Now what does a daughter do when she is 140 miles away and has 3 children to look after and a husband who cannot take time off work.  My dad has been looking after my mum since my sister died 14 months ago - her mental health has been very unstable.  What do I do? My children (especially my eldest who is my sisters daughter) need me here, my mum and dad do not need them up there.  Yes I could make arrangements with very loving friends, but that is not what they need.  What do I need?  I feel guilty for not dropping everything and rushing up there like I did when my sister was hospitalised.  But I would also feel terribly guilty if I left the children (or took them up knowing they would be in the way).

I have a brother, he is helping out with lifts to the hospital for my mum as is one of mum and dads friends.

It is exactly this sort of dilema that leaves me begging for wisdom.  I had a nuclear body scan appointment this morning (Friday), and my mum had told me that my dad would be very upset if I had cancelled that (I've been waiting for it a while).  We are supposed to be getting our first puppy tomorrow morning, my son has been counting down the days.  Am I just wanting to go up to them to do the right thing?  I raced up to see my sister on several occassions when she took turns for the worse, and I still missed saying good-bye to her.

It is sooooo hard to sit and wait, but this seems to be what my gut is telling me to do.  All being well we will go and get the puppy tomorrow morning and when next Tuesday arrives, I will be free (my husband will have finished this shift) to go and see mum and dad and he will be progressing.

Your prayers for us all would be greatly appreciated. 

Much love,   Jane x.