Blessings.

Still counting through slightly gritted teeth.

267. Lovely walk with the dog and the children at the weekend at Farley Mount.
268. Mum and Dad staying calmer over talks about the Child Support Agency.
269. A Fantastic gift from the RAF benevolent fund to purchase a new bike for our eldest, and some extra to spend as we see fit.
270. Apple and ginger crumble tasting as good as it smelt.
271. Having the nerve and energy to carry through an invite.
272. Unexpected phone call from a friend, resulting in coffee and a great chat.
273. Registration forms for my Advent Adventures activity day for kids starting to roll in.
274. Delight of our eldest as she is allowed back on facebook after a 6 month ban.
275. No washing arguments on wash day Saturday.
276. Listening to the children sing happy birthday down the phone to my mum and her on speaker phone showing obvious delight.


href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/"><img alt="holy experience"  src="http://i534.photobucket.com/albums/ee349/GDest07/ann%20voskamp/mondaybutton2.png" title="holy experience"/>

Pushing away Anger/Resentment with Grace.

I have been really struggling with growing resentments this week, but even when my heart is not feeling it - I know Gods Grace is bountiful, I KNOW it and will keep trying to FEEL it this week.

257. Unexpected warm autumn days.
258. Watching the leaves on my acer turning brilliant red.
259. Making birthday presents, holding the birthday peeps in prayer while I craft.
260. Cuddles on the sofa with my doggy while I knit.
261. Lunch in the garden with the washing drying over head.
262. Discovering a real good Christian song in the music charts.
263. Work meetings going well.
264. Caring for my children enough to get them into trouble with school.
265. Internet access at home.
266. Watching my doggy obey my husbands commands when off the lead.

How Good is God?

I have been so confused through the night.  I became a christian in my early 20's, I saw an amazing loving community of people that I wanted to be a part of.  Jesus then came and spoke to me and invited me into a relationship with him.  Since that time in the summer of 1992 I have 'belonged' to 4 churches, all bar one move was due to moving to different parts of the country.  I currently work for my present church as the children and youth pastor.

So all should be right - yes - no.  I have three children aged 9 1/2, nearly 11 and 13 1/2, 2 girls and a boy in between them.  Our two youngest have been brought up through the churches, our eldest who has lived with us for 18 months, did attend from being approximately 9 years old.  I would say that my 11 year old stopped enjoying it at about 7 years old - he still cannot say why.  My 9 1/2 year also stopped enjoying it at around that age.  I have always been involved in the childrens ministry with them.

Have I done something wrong?  My husband took the oldest two to a youth service being run near by last night - they left after 40 minutes as they were all really not enjoying it, though husband did say that he could have stuck it out to see if it got better.

Have I given them an attitude of expectation that has become all about self grattification?  I know they are all in the process of building a relationship with Jesus, we have visited churches where they have loved stuff, they do all love being involved in family services with us.  Is it wrong for me to long for us all to 'belong' to a worshipping community that we love to be with?  Maybe my expectations of too unrealistic.

Then this morning as I wallow in the pit of confusion, my son tells me about a music video he and his little sister have watched this morning before I got up.  He told me it was a rap version of This Little Light of Mine, saying the video was brilliant and it was in the charts.  He was so impressed that when I said shall we look for it on youtube, he was by my side instantly and helped me to find it.  We then sat and watched it together, a small act of worship from the two of us this morning - thank you God.  I don't have my questions answered but I am reassured He is with me.

LZ7 - This Little Light:  FULL HD (NEW 2010 OFFICIAL)

Monday Blessings.

I am sure my weeks are getting shorter, I can not believe that yet another page on the calender has been turned.  There is however one thing that is not getting shorter - that is my list of blessings - 

247. Time to create and bead.
248. Husband getting me to come and peep out of my busy kitchen to see my girls spontaneously embracing.
249. My youngest thoroughly enjoying her first residential trip - you can visibly see how much her confidence has grown.
250. Cooking a 'proper' Sunday lunch.
251. The whole family 'enjoying' going to church together, especially as my input was minimal.
252. My flexible working week.
253. A day on Saturday with the eldest out, enjoying being just the four of us for the first time in a long time.
254. Enjoying learning about the 'Practise of the Presence of God' by Brother Lawrence, I bought my own copy of this but have also found a free version here .
255. Rainy days to sit in front of the television as a family.
256. Watching my little girl sitting, chatting and playing with her 3 year old guinea pigs.

href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/"><img alt="holy experience"  src="http://i534.photobucket.com/albums/ee349/GDest07/ann%20voskamp/mondaybutton2.png" title="holy experience"/>

Getting Creative.

I have had the chance to do a little beading this week. As you can see my beading box has got a little dusty, it has been a few weeks since it has been out...(though it is one of my dads old work boxes from his shed so not too surprising that it looks a bit rough)...

I've made this button for a friend to put onto a black cardigan.

One of our God-daughters is going to be 7 on Friday and so I have made her this..

It's the first time I have attempted this pattern and have to confess to be rather pleased with myself!

I think I am going to attempt to teach myself (with a little cyber help) how to crochet.

The Gratitude Community

I have had several moments this week when I have had to just stop and listen, when my body has given up and even keeping my eyes open is too much   When not sleeping my ears are still alert (actually I'm a mother and I reckon they don't ever totally turn off!).   It is some of those moments this week that I have heard things that have made my heart swell with gratitude.

235.  The open window from which I can hear 3 children tipping out cars and planes, voicing what they desire to create.
236.  A safe place to physically run away to when the going is too tough.
237.  The hugs from friends that show me how much they care.
238.  Being given the go ahead to launch another evangelistic event for children in our Parish.
239.  Inspiration from fellow bloggers, to create only from stuff I have already.
240.  The infectious excitement of my youngest preparing for her first residential activity holiday with school.
241.  Homework continuing to be completed with very little prompting.
242.  Having a work meeting in Starbucks - that was so much fun!
243.  Watching my big green pumpkin growing in my veg patch turning a luminous orange in the darker evening.s
244.  Central Heating which works with the first switch on of the autumn.
245.  A big bag of sticks gathered from our chimney, from the crows failing to make a nest on our chimney pot in the spring - nice and dry and ready for a small bonfire one fine night.
246.  Ann Voskamp - getting me to write down these blessings, is making my heart swell, thank you x.



  

When you can't do anything right!

                                                                       Picture from google images.




I have had a horrible week this week, I seem to be falling out with everybody!  Yesterday for the first time in my life I found myself shouting at my dad!  The result of all this is I feel like one hell of a bad guy - after all I am the common denominator in the upsets.


I wonder if it is to do with just another 'life stage' that we seem to be going through.  There have been a lot of deaths and some very serious illness occurred in our church family this last few months.  Amongst our friends there seems to be an increase in their parents becoming ill and requiring more help and/or dying.  I know I should be feeling compassionate and empathetic towards them all but I don't.  When I see that someone has lived three score years and ten (plus quite a lot, some of them!)then it feels like they have had a long life.  I know this probably all relates to the grief that I still feel over my little sister dying at 36 years old nearly two years ago. 

My husbands parents have both passed away, his father 10 years ago and his mother just over 2 1/2 years ago.  I on the other hand still have both my parents and my grandmother (really my great Aunt on my mothers side). The later is in a nursing home requiring full time care, she no longer knows who her family are, except that she often refers to my mum as being her sister who died 10 years ago.  However my parents no longer feel like my parents.  Since my sister died they have gone from their 'young' real ages (now 65 and 64 years) to elderly folk who can no longer look after others.  I am really struggling with this!  I am not ready to take on more caring!  I am struggling enough looking after my 'new' family. So why do I feel so guilty about letting them just get on with what they are doing and accepting the flack that they give me when I am not 'helping'?

I have been wondering this morning whether this is actually progress - that I have been able to express some frustration to my father on earth.  Through all the trying times of the last few years I have never once felt angry towards God my father in heaven.  I have been told by many that I can be, that it is allowed, that He is big enough to cope with my anger - but I have just not felt it.  Maybe the anger is starting to come out - I just so hope I don't upset anyone irreparably in the process!

Maybe I need to be wearing some sort of danger sign around my neck to warn people of possible explosions  or maybe I just need to stay in doors today and do a bit of crafting!