Sunday, 10 October 2010

How Good is God?

I have been so confused through the night.  I became a christian in my early 20's, I saw an amazing loving community of people that I wanted to be a part of.  Jesus then came and spoke to me and invited me into a relationship with him.  Since that time in the summer of 1992 I have 'belonged' to 4 churches, all bar one move was due to moving to different parts of the country.  I currently work for my present church as the children and youth pastor.

So all should be right - yes - no.  I have three children aged 9 1/2, nearly 11 and 13 1/2, 2 girls and a boy in between them.  Our two youngest have been brought up through the churches, our eldest who has lived with us for 18 months, did attend from being approximately 9 years old.  I would say that my 11 year old stopped enjoying it at about 7 years old - he still cannot say why.  My 9 1/2 year also stopped enjoying it at around that age.  I have always been involved in the childrens ministry with them.

Have I done something wrong?  My husband took the oldest two to a youth service being run near by last night - they left after 40 minutes as they were all really not enjoying it, though husband did say that he could have stuck it out to see if it got better.

Have I given them an attitude of expectation that has become all about self grattification?  I know they are all in the process of building a relationship with Jesus, we have visited churches where they have loved stuff, they do all love being involved in family services with us.  Is it wrong for me to long for us all to 'belong' to a worshipping community that we love to be with?  Maybe my expectations of too unrealistic.

Then this morning as I wallow in the pit of confusion, my son tells me about a music video he and his little sister have watched this morning before I got up.  He told me it was a rap version of This Little Light of Mine, saying the video was brilliant and it was in the charts.  He was so impressed that when I said shall we look for it on youtube, he was by my side instantly and helped me to find it.  We then sat and watched it together, a small act of worship from the two of us this morning - thank you God.  I don't have my questions answered but I am reassured He is with me.

LZ7 - This Little Light:  FULL HD (NEW 2010 OFFICIAL)

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