When My Bed Calls.

It is not very often that I find all my energy completely zapped out of body.  When it does happen it is always a bit of a shock as it seems to happen very very quickly.  For example last Sunday I managed to take the children to church by myself (this is something I have been really struggling to do), we got back, I sat down and that was it.  I had to wait for another hour for my husband to get up from his nightshift before being able to go and collapse into bed, once there I hardly managed to leave for about 20 hours!

I do have ongoing health issues with arthritis I wrote more on that here and my emotional state has been quite all over the place though both have been much improved in the last few months.  With regards to my arthritis I decided back in January to come off all my medication except for one, this was to give me the opportunity to see whether they were really working or not.  This was all supported by my new rheumatologist who also gave me steriod injections for bursa's below my knees.  I have managed to loose a 16 lbs in weight since then as well which must be making a bit of a difference.

The call of my bed gave me a lot of time to reflect - I wasn't asleep the whole time!  I really don't think about my health very much, except for those moments when something really hurts or when I am planning to do something like go out for the day and I have to plan it very carefully.  I think during this 'bed' time God really challenged me about this - not that he wants me to be preoccupied with it, but wants me to be accepting of it and not just ignoring it.  I have never considered that I should 'accept' being ill - it goes against the idea of healing and wholeness.  When I considered this further though, God brought to mind other situations in my life that he has asked me to 'accept' and once I have done that, circumstances have changed.  Maybe it isn't acceptance but just truly letting go - I don't know the answer to that.  What I do know is that in the culture that I am surrounded by (secular and Christian), people want to hear 'good' news.  When folk ask me how I am, I sense the feeling of optimism that they have that I am going to say, 'not bad' or 'getting better thank you'.  The reality is that I'm often just the same as always - it would feel so rude to reply with that.

I haven't yet worked out where I go with all these new thoughts, potentially if I can 'accept' that this is the way I am for now then there are some practical things I could do to help me on my not very good days, for example getting a parking badge!  I have quite gotten used to using my stick to walk now, and though I can make short trips without it, I feel much safer and walk far better when I do use it!

I am rather hoping that it doesn't take another call from my bed to get me to carry on thinking about the way I move forward with my health.  Does anyone have any thoughts on the idea of 'accepting' illness?  I would love to hear them if you have.