Wednesday, 5 May 2010

When My Bed Calls.

It is not very often that I find all my energy completely zapped out of body.  When it does happen it is always a bit of a shock as it seems to happen very very quickly.  For example last Sunday I managed to take the children to church by myself (this is something I have been really struggling to do), we got back, I sat down and that was it.  I had to wait for another hour for my husband to get up from his nightshift before being able to go and collapse into bed, once there I hardly managed to leave for about 20 hours!

I do have ongoing health issues with arthritis I wrote more on that here and my emotional state has been quite all over the place though both have been much improved in the last few months.  With regards to my arthritis I decided back in January to come off all my medication except for one, this was to give me the opportunity to see whether they were really working or not.  This was all supported by my new rheumatologist who also gave me steriod injections for bursa's below my knees.  I have managed to loose a 16 lbs in weight since then as well which must be making a bit of a difference.

The call of my bed gave me a lot of time to reflect - I wasn't asleep the whole time!  I really don't think about my health very much, except for those moments when something really hurts or when I am planning to do something like go out for the day and I have to plan it very carefully.  I think during this 'bed' time God really challenged me about this - not that he wants me to be preoccupied with it, but wants me to be accepting of it and not just ignoring it.  I have never considered that I should 'accept' being ill - it goes against the idea of healing and wholeness.  When I considered this further though, God brought to mind other situations in my life that he has asked me to 'accept' and once I have done that, circumstances have changed.  Maybe it isn't acceptance but just truly letting go - I don't know the answer to that.  What I do know is that in the culture that I am surrounded by (secular and Christian), people want to hear 'good' news.  When folk ask me how I am, I sense the feeling of optimism that they have that I am going to say, 'not bad' or 'getting better thank you'.  The reality is that I'm often just the same as always - it would feel so rude to reply with that.

I haven't yet worked out where I go with all these new thoughts, potentially if I can 'accept' that this is the way I am for now then there are some practical things I could do to help me on my not very good days, for example getting a parking badge!  I have quite gotten used to using my stick to walk now, and though I can make short trips without it, I feel much safer and walk far better when I do use it!

I am rather hoping that it doesn't take another call from my bed to get me to carry on thinking about the way I move forward with my health.  Does anyone have any thoughts on the idea of 'accepting' illness?  I would love to hear them if you have.

holy experience

4 comments:

  1. Hello Jane,
    This is my first visit to your blog. Your post title today drew me and as I read about your arthritis and you feeling impressed that God was leading you in the idea of "accepting" illness.

    By going here http://bitsandpieces-dianna.blogspot.com/2010/02/its-amazing-what-praising-can-do.html you will learn of my living with fibromyalgia. Although I've not mentioned it in this particular post, I also deal with arthritis and now osteopenia. My heart goes out to you in your desire to live out your life to His glory by the way you deal with this giant called arthritis. Perhaps reading about how He's so gently drawn me to Himself through the path of FMS and the others that it will help you trust Him more fully. May your heart be encouraged in His grace and love for you.

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  2. I have chronic thyroid problems. It has been a process of accepting the times when I can't "do" as much as I want and letting them become a time of reflection and growth spiritually and emotionally.
    It's hard when you feel expected to just say, Oh I'm fine thankyou when someone asks how you are. Although I think a lot of people do genuinly care to know how you really are.
    Blessings to you for the rest of the week.
    Suzy

    (By the way I'm from the UK too! Came by way of Holy Experience)

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  3. Welcome Dianna - thank you for dropping by, your post is very inspiring - thank you for directing me to it x.

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  4. Welcome to you to Suzy, isn't Holy Experience such an inspiring place! Thank you for reminding me that some people do ask because they genuinly care - I too often jump to the conclusion that they don't!

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