I didn't realise until I published yesterdays post that I had kept God completely out of it. It has to be said, that apart from when we found our house, it was a time when I felt completely apart from God, totally distant. This was probably the first time this had happened to me to this degree in my short Christian life. It was very frightening. I still battle with how I feel about these 'desert' times, this one was by no means the only time it has happened, though probably remains the longest one. There are times when I can beleive that it was a time when I felt God had remained distant from me, however there are also times when I can beleive that it is that I was keeping distant from Him. I can know in my brain that the there are many examples in the bible that tell us that God will never leave us
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."Deuteronomy 31:5-7
But this does not satisfied a troubled heart and spirit. I found it very difficult to remain around mental illness without becoming afraid or terrified. I still find it difficult, despite the fact that I have had to return to tablets to enable me to function - maybe I am afraid and terrified of myself - I know there have been times when I have been.
When we moved from Manchester I definately feel as though I was escaping. I am presently surround by mental illness once again (not my m-i-l, she passed away just over a year ago). This time there is no escape, I try continually to cling on to God, but I do have very dark and bleak moments. I trust they will brighten again, and long for that time to come.