Attachment Disorder

My bedside reading for the last few weeks has kept me very busy, hence the lack of blogging.  I have been on a steep learning curve about attachment disorder - a category given to children who have experienced trauma and/or neglect (purposeful or not) in their early years by their parent figures.  The result of this is an inability to form healthy attachments to others and a whole host of other psychological difficulties which result from them feeling the need to control their whole environment.

My neice for whom we are full time kinship carers has recently been put into this cateogory by her psychologist.  She was initially referred because of her challenging behaviour especially at school which was being put down to her grief at losing her mum and all the changes she has had to go through.

It's a very painful realisation for me, I am having to face the fact that my mum and dad and my sister were not able to prevent this from happening and because of circumstances were unable to provide her with the structure that would have prevented the harm that probably stems from her dad leaving her and her mum before she was 3.

We are being supported by professionals in this, though it is not a common problem to find in children of her age (13 years), therefore they are learning as we are.  It was suggested that we got a copy of Edward Hughes' book Building the Bonds of Attachment and though it was very expensive I am so pleased that we did.  It is written in a very unique way following a fictional case study through  therapy sessions and family life.  After initially feeling quite dispondant on finishing it, as it made me feel very inadequate and not able to do what I felt I was being required to, I am now starting to be able to put some of the tips into practise!

This in no way means that things are getting better, actually they are getting worse, in many ways we are having to treat a 13 year old like a 3 year old in emotional matters.  The resultant rebellion to new boundaries is difficult to handle, but handle it we will.  I am so very thankful for my faith, without it I don't think I could dare to have any hope for this little girl.  The majority of children with untreated attachment disorders go on to develop a whole host of personality disorders as adults.  But FAITH I have, and FAITH I will hang on to, I do beleive that in Him ALL things are possible and if I can be a tool to help this young one then so be it!

Catching up with Gifts.

I know it isn't Monday, I might not have been writing down the gifts I have been enjoying the last few weeks, but I have been counting them:

152. Making cupcakes for a picnic with friends.

153.  Trombone enthusiasm (practising Christmas carols).

154.  Home-made beading onto a fairtrade cotton t-shirt for my mother.

155.  Home-grown strawberries.

156.  Unexpected growth in the garden.

157.  Seedlings sprouting.

158.  A trip to the theatre with friends.

159.  My girls enjoying some time together.

160.  A pattern found to make a fairtrade cotton dishcloth.

161.  My first ever home-baked cheesecake, home-grown rhubarb and ginger - mmmm.

162.  More beading completed.

A Little Catch-Up.

Time runs doesn't stop.

6 months have rushed away.

Much has been achieved both practically and in relationships.

There is a life-time of work to continue, but continue we shall.

In the meantime I am going to try and add a little extra by returning to work.

Just 10 hours a week for the next 3 months.  Then hopefully back to 20 hours come September. 

The Best Monday Feeling.

I am so enjoying joining Ann Voskamp in counting my blessings.  My attitude is slowly turning through the week as I think about what I will include in my next list.  Those who have visited before have made several comments about the photos that I have been including.  This has inspired me further to try and include a photo with each of the blessings - I have a very picture visual memory -  I can picture my blessings rather than just remembering words!  I hope you might join me in enjoying some of this weeks:

141.  Celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary in simple style during the day while the children were at school.

142.  First borns socks and t-shirt hung by himself after an afternoon kayaking to celebrate a friends birthday.

143.  This beautiful Acer tree which reminds me of prayerful people in the North everytime I look at it.

144.  Water fun in the garden.

145.  Finding a use for all those sweetie wrappers I have been saving - bird scarers to keep my seeds safe.

146.  Shaded space and make do games.

147.  Time to design, bead and create.

148.  Gorgeous summer weather.

149.  A house that stays reasonably cool when the temperature soars outside.

150.  Finding a use and new way to use discarded CD's/DVD's, in the garden.

151.  Lots of beading!

Another week of blessings to look forward to and I know that there are going to be blessings, because I KNOW that he wants to give me more than I can ever imagine possible.

Walking in Love.

Yesterday was our 14th Wedding Anniversary.  We had a lovely day reflecting on our wedding day and particularly on the words that were spoken to us by our vicar during the service.
  
¹ Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.  Ephesians 5, 1-2 TNIV.

We went for a walk along the beach.  It was an unusual spot - it's still used as a firing range on occassion!  There were so beautiful plants to see:

The way varied, some was stoney - very difficult for me to walk on, some was grassy - much easier for me.  There were some big stone hills which my husband was able to climb but which I needed to found a way around.  Rather like our life really though it is incredible to be reminded that we are not required to walk this life by ourselves.

In fact if we are in a relationship with Jesus then we we are charged with 'walking in the way of Love' a love that can only be gained allowing him to walk with us.  I am absolutely certain that when we do this we will get to see more and more of the beauty that is on the path around us.

More Blessings.

 

Another week, no new trauma's/drama's this week, just lots of clearing up of the week befores!

230. Tools lovingly cleaned by my dad so that they can be sold.

231. Watching my dad sort out his tool box.

232. Beautiful Horse Chestnut 'candles' decorating the trees.

233.  Seeing the complete joy on my grandma's face, dementia has taken most things away but not her mischievious laughter.

234.  Home grown rhubarb crumble.

235. This beautiful delicate butterfly, desperate to get into my Aliums before they can open.

 

236. The joy of watching this lovely new family.

 

237.  God's sense of humour in making such funny looking animals as the Lama.

238. A walk with my puppy and my two dear friends and their 3 doggies!

239. Pippin falling in love with Drogo and learning some more sniffing techniques. 

240.  Pippin meeting her first Swan and being very respectful towards it!