Life feels a little like I've been stuck in a snowstorm. My head as been down and I have been battling through it. Only now that the storm has subsided (I am very much hoping it's not just a temporary reprieve), that I am able to start taking stock of the changes that have occurred while things have been buffeted and buried by the snow.
It seems quite funny that this has coincided with what looks like the start of Spring in my real world. My daffodils are out and I am watching for signs of life to see what has survived the winter.
It is now that I am started to feel things that have been buried deep.
I miss having a third child in my house. It still feels wrong at bed time when there are only two rooms to look into. It still feels wrong at the end of the school day when only two children come home. For two whole years we were five and I do not know how I will ever get used to being just four again.
I miss the life that mum and dad shared together. There is a hole now that my dad is gone and I know it is a hole I will just have to get used to having with me, nothing will fill his place.
I seem to be in a place of taking stock and I can't believe how exhausting this process is. It is making me not just tired but snappy with those around me as well. I am so hoping and praying that I might be able to get over this period at least in part in time for our holiday (less than two weeks ago). I am making a deal with God at the moment (I know that is shouldn't really be doing that!), I will give him these next two weeks and look forward to Him giving me a little more energy when I am away and able to give my time to my family. Your prayers on this would be must appreciated.