Hopes and Prayers for my children.

What are the hopes and prayers that I have for the children that my husband and I through God created?

• For them to know they are loved by both their parents and by God.
• To care and be there for each other through life's ups and downs.
• To grow old in each others company joining future families together.
• To care for the physical world in which they grow up in.
• To never loose the desire to keep learning through all life's experiences.
• To stand as a constant witness for God to all those they meet in life.
• To care for their bodies and minds when we as parents no longer can.
• To seek and ask us as parents for help and guidance no matter what our ages or the circumstances.
• To continually give themselves time to search themselves with God to have their hearts desires revealed to them.
• To know that it is okay for them to say no sometimes (except when I am telling them to do something ;o)).

Finding what helps.

When my mind is buzzing going over and over all the things that have been said or done or should have been said or done, I really struggle.

I have tried all sorts of ways to hand my 'troubles' to Jesus, however I always seem to manage to take them right back and then feel bad for doing that as well!

I have tried using mental pictures, of lying my troubles at the cross or at Jesus's feet.

I have tried writing the problems down and putting them into a 'Jesus' box, or burning them.

I have prayed - oh how I have prayed.

I have put worship music or songs on and tried to turn my face towards worship, but the troubles are still there as soon as I stop.

I have tried to continue with counting my blessings, even when I really haven't wanted to.

This week however I have found something new.  It all started when I had to take a trip to see someone, I knew it was going to possibly drain me for the rest of the day.  I was scared that I was going to say the wrong thing.  I prayed.  That 'still small voice' then spoke to me - "Shine my light".
I started to repeat over and over "Jesus shine your light".  Every time a thought that would conjure up negative or useless feelings I started again.  I wonder how many times I said it in the following 24 hours.  And I am still saying it now.  It has the most amazing effect.  The thoughts disappear and I am able to concentrate on where and how I can shine with the light of Jesus and where I just need to ask Him to shine in the dark places I cannot reach.

Blessings even when you don't want them.

Today I would normally be posting my blessings as I have tried to do regularly for many many months now.  However today I don't want to.  WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today.......

I want to be the child on the floor screaming in the supermarket aisle whose world has fallen apart because she is not allowed the treat she has just seen on the shelves.

I want to slam doors behind me.

I want to tell people that come to my door trying to sell me stuff to GET LOST.

I want to eat rubbish all day.

I want to sit with a huge sulking pout, scowling at anyone who dares look at me.

I want to smash things.

I want shout rude words at the top of my voice.

I want to stamp my foot and say IT'S NOT FAIR!

I want to go out in my car and purposefully annoy other people.

I really would love to do these things, however I suspect I shall take the dog for a walk, make my daughter some tea, watch some tennis and do some crochet - my life is full of blessings even when I don't want them. (#590 - 594!)

Excited about Church

Although my home life remains in much turmoil since the departure of my niece, as often seems to happen, in my 'church' life is flourishing.  In fact I have just looked back at old posts to see how often I have blogged about Church - there are 18 posts labelled, and almost all of them are quite negative.  One in particular however caught my eye, you can read it here .  I cannot believe it is more than 2 years that I wrote this.  The excited news is that it is all coming to fruition.

Since that post, our then curate has now become our vicar (a very unusual step for the Church of England to allow this!).  The passion for Local Worshipping Church Communities has remained - and in fact the words that God spoke to me in that conversation with our curate are now happening.

After many months of prayer and much support from a vibrant church in a near by city we have now started a new service at one of our churches.  At present it is in the evening,  as a family we all love it, though my youngest (10 years old) tends to take colouring and enjoys having a head massage as she gets sleepy.  My 11 year old son is lapping it all up, on one occasion when I was not able to make it he came home and practical repeated the sermon for me (I did tell my vicar who had done said sermon!).

There is still much to be done, there is great hope that a second morning service is going to be set up in the near future.  At present we have approximately 80 adults attending the evening service, and many of those are still splitting their time between our church and the 'other' one as their children want to continue with their friends.  Much will be needed to be done in order to be able to accommodate a lot of children, at present we have only two very small rooms where junior church and a creche is held during the service that is currently taking place at our church.

The hard work does not faze me at all though, it does nothing but excite me to see God at work, fulfilling hopes and promises that lots of people have been holding out for. 

The other unexpected return that we are having from experience of waiting and now building is the effect on our children's faith.  It has led me to consider the advantages and disadvantages of 'perfect' church, as children might see it.  For our two, I feel we are equipping them by going through this experience with them.  They might be involved in the development of new churches and services in the future and I pray that this experience will positively impact on their journeys. 

They have had to experience a lot of angst during this time.  They have had to attend junior church where the pace of change has been very slow, but have seen it move on. 

They have gone along with our experimentation when we have not wanted to attend 'church' and have done some wacky things like having 'family church up a tree'.

They now know the complexity of how services are made up and the number of people that this can take.

They and we have made some fabulous new friends and I know a lot of those friendships are just at the beginning and are hopefully going to grow and grow.

So hopefully you will see this is a positive and excited post about 'Church', it does help to have positive experiences when it it where you work as well as worship!

Blessings in pictures.

This week we officially requested that my niece for whom we have been kinship caring for the last two years should be taken into local authority care.  We didn't make the decision alone, we were unanimously encouraged to do so by 8 professionals at a multi-disciplinary meeting.  I am left feeling quite bereft, angry and sad.  However there is still so much to be thankful for:

580.

581.

 

 582.

583.

 584.

585.

 586.

587.

 588.

589.

Remembering my blessings.

Life is so full of contradiction at the moment, on the one hand I feel more blessed than I have ever felt on the other all around me seems to be falling apart and I cannot work out where God wants me to be.  Both my grandmother and my niece are now in hospital suffering with mental illness, my mother is being held together by my father whose heavy heart sounds so drained.

Why can't they accept you Lord????????????

I keep having a picture of myself as the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz, where she has had water thrown over her and is saying while disappearing "I'm melting". I am praying through this that maybe the ME in me might be getting less and HIM in me might be getting more.

No matter what I shall continue to count my blessings with the gratitude community.


570. Attending the wedding of an old friend who has been hurt and rejected but accepted again.
571. Spending time with more old friends, especially when their 17 year old son decides to stay in and play too.
572. A night away with my husband, I love him so dearly.
573. A playful puppy dog who is able to persuade me to get up.
574. The children born from me, playing with the wooden train set, turning back the years.
575. Deliveries of craft material for another exciting activity day I've organised for work.
576. The lives shared by many fellow bloggers, that encourage me daily.
577. My youngest with flowers in her hair.
578. Strawberries getting fatter in the garden.
579. The promise that there will be no more tears and no more mourning.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”  Revelation 21:3-4

Psalm37

It has been yet another difficult week, it seems that just when we think things can't get worse they do.  My niece for whom we kinship care has now been admitted to a high dependency unit at an adolescent mental health unit.  The feelings of failure continue to dog me even though I know that we have done all that we have been capable of in the circumstances.  A couple of days ago I talked with the staff and we have our first big multi-disciplinary meeting next Wednesday to discuss ways forward for us and her.  We really are not sure whether we are going to be able to meet her needs by having her back with us.  Knowing that this meeting is now set has unnerved me again after starting to accept this fact.

After yet another 3 hour sleep this afternoon before my other two children came in from school I was feeling quite despondent and sorry for myself and posted this tweet:

"flossyadam is sick and tired of feeling mopey and sleepy, need some motivational thoughts to get me going again!"

Within moments this tweet came up from Compassion UK, not directed to me personally but golly it has made me sit up:

"For the LORD loves justice; he will not forsake his saints. Psalm 37:28"

The reason it made me sit up was because for a couple of weeks a small group of people from church have been praying for us. They had a picture which they shared first for my husband and then with me last Sunday, the picture was of a pair of scales, not the sort that tell you your weight (I see that picture every time I pass a mirror) but scales of justice.  That is what we want in the situation we are in justice for all of us, our children, my niece and ourselves.  It is going to be a long journey and I know there will be no quick fixes but I will keep my eyes fixed on God and call for his justice to reign supremely in our lives.

I thought I would just share the rest of the Psalm with you as it is just so utterly brilliant!

Psalm 37 - Of David.

1 Do not fret because of those who are evil

or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,

like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Take delight in the LORD,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;

trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,

your vindication like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD

and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;

do not fret—it leads only to evil.

9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,

but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;

though you look for them, they will not be found.

11 But the meek will inherit the land

and enjoy peace and prosperity.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous

and gnash their teeth at them;

13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,

for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword

and bend the bow

to bring down the poor and needy,

to slay those whose ways are upright.

15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,

and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have

than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,

but the LORD upholds the righteous.

18 The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care,

and their inheritance will endure forever.

19 In times of disaster they will not wither;

in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:

Though the LORD’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,

they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,

but the righteous give generously;

22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,

but those he curses will be destroyed.

23 The LORD makes firm the steps

of the one who delights in him;

24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,

for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,

yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken

or their children begging bread.

26 They are always generous and lend freely;

their children will be a blessing.[b]

27 Turn from evil and do good;

then you will dwell in the land forever.

28 For the LORD loves the just

and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed;

the offspring of the wicked will perish.

29 The righteous will inherit the land

and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,

and their tongues speak what is just.

31 The law of their God is in their hearts;

their feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,

intent on putting them to death;

33 but the LORD will not leave them in the power of the wicked

or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Hope in the LORD

and keep his way.

when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man

flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,

36 but he soon passed away and was no more;

though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;

a future awaits those who seek peace.[d]

38 But all sinners will be destroyed;

there will be no future[e] for the wicked.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;

he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;

he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,

because they take refuge in him.