I last posted about my mums inquest and the great mess the community mental health team had made, causing a huge delay and much upset. Well the inquest took place the day before we went off on holiday and I am pleased to say that it was all concluded. I felt very listened to by the coroner who questioned the mental health team very well to get a clear picture of what had happened with their input. The psychiatric nurse that was looking after my mum is no longer working for the trust (although still had to attend the inquest) and it was good to hear the coroner say to the manager and consultant that he hoped they had learnt some valuable lessons. I may still go on to ask for a formal apology from the NHS trust at some point but for the moment I am letting it go.
The following day we jetted off to New Zealand for what turned out to be a most Blessed time. I just wanted to tell you today though about two incidents which have totally helped me to move on from all the happenings of the last 5 1/2 years. The first was a visit to some beautiful gardens called Little Paradise gardens and lodge. It turned out to be one of the places we went to because we saw it by chance and though on first and second passing of it we were too tired to go, there was that niggle that stayed with both my husband and I, that we needed to go! So off we went, and it really was like tasting a little bit of paradise. If you click on the link above you can see much of it's beauty.
We chatted with the owner/gardener and it was funny to hear him saying that it was not looking it's best (they are just going into Autumn) as to us it looked beautiful. He was not only the gardener but the sculptor as well and the picture at the top if of a life size is one of his. So why was this sculpture of the many the one that touched something deep deep down inside me? To understand I need to tell you about the counselling session that I had before I went away. My counsellor asked me to imagine my 12 year old self sitting in the empty chair in the room and asked me what I would like to do/say to her. Now I have often thought about what I might say/write to myself, knowing what I know now. However I have never considered what I would do........... I was very taken aback and there was quite a long period of silence before my tears started to fall. It turns out what I would really like to be able to do to that 12 year old self is to pick her up, hug her and tell her how much she is loved. Which brings me onto the photo.......
I am sure this does not sound as profound as it feels for me but I wanted to get it written down. I know there will be times when I forget about that moment and those feelings and I want to have a written reminder to go back to.
The next thing I want to tell you about is maybe a little more frightening! I'll let the photo's tell the story.
192 metres + free falling +11 seconds of sheer exhilaration = JOY!!!!!!!
and if you want to know how much noise I made about it here you go
So I have left the past behind and am moving on, it feels great. I am under no illusions, I know I will still have bad days but for now I feel like I can conquer the world!
God Bless, Jane x.