Monday, 9 July 2012

What are you worth?

I am wondering today if maybe I have cut down my anti-depressant medication to soon.  The blues are still chasing me around.  Is it because I feel stripped bare of all the titles that used to give me the sense of achievement of being somebody who mattered?

One of the things that I unexpectedly got out of my recent counselling was the knowledge of how much I have been raised believing that I am only worth the sum total of what I do.  Even sadder to discover was the realisation that no matter what the sum total was, it's worth was only that which was expected, I was never able to exceed expectations.  Having now had a month of rest since finishing work, my 'worth' is once again feeling challenged.

My lack of physical energy has led me to be rather housebound of late.  I have been getting out to go swimming, a little shopping, a little dog walking and taking my children to groups when my husband is not around, but the rest of the time I have been home.  I have been doing bits of reading, crochet and sewing and have managed to do a little cooking.  How hard it is to accept that this is enough.  Even my usual love of social networking has waned, since everybody seems to be off doing stuff and achieving stuff.  I might add, just as I so often have done in the past.

So what can I learn from now - I suppose it might just be time to start accepting that being 'just' me is fine.  Maybe I need to spend time with my creator believing all that He says about me, that there really is NOTHING that can separate me from His love.

Maybe these are two bible verses that I can hold on to this week:

Matthew 10:29-31 (NIV)

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Continuing to count my blessings this Monday.

810. Peachy sun-kissed clouds in the evenings.

811. The joy of watching the tennis at Wimbledon on the TV.

812. Having other people praise the achievements of your children.

813. Purple pink flowers poking high so that I can see them through my window from my comfy seat.

814. Honesty even when it hurts.

815. The three stones in my engagement ring which remind me that He is always in the middle of our relationship.

816. Memories of a red dress.

817. Being encouraged to say 'no' when I needed to.

818. The simpleness of each day.

819. The blanket which keeps my toes warm on these very cold summer days!


  1. We are all worth exactly the same in the eyes of God, I believe.
    Most of us I fear, fail to achieve, at least in our own eyes, anything worthy of note.
    This doesn't make us of lesser value in any sense. Everyone can do something better than some of there peers, it doesn't matter what.
    Even if we can only make a better cup of tea, write with a clear hand so people can read our writing, grow a plant which others have failed to grow, knit or sew when so many cannot.
    Even just the ability to listen to others is well worth cultivating.
    Start counting those, and you'll find you have quite a list.
    Blessings X

  2. Never forget that you are a daughter of the King. You are loved. When God sees you, He sees Jesus. You have an eternal future that far outweighs the troubles of this life. Believe me, I need to remind myself of these things ...often.

    Our world judges on what we accomplish or have done lately. But that's not how God judges us. It's what we've done with Jesus and it sounds like you are in the right place.

    I loved reading your list. And remember to "be still and know that I am God."

    Blessings and love,

  3. There is such freedom in saying "no". I need to embrace it more! Thanks for sharing your list and your heart!