When all you want to do is get attention and please people you are inevitably going to have times when you fail. I would love to know why I am have such a burning desire for these unattractive attributes. For years my faith has kept these desires at bay, any hopes that they had been destroyed have unfortunately been proven unfounded.
Even writing this blog is suddenly a ridiculous self absorbed thing.
I know I have fallen into a depression, I also know that I am not going to be able to get out of it alone. I had a wonderful series of pictures about 18 months ago, maybe they were one of the tools God gave me to help me now. The pictures were of a series of holes in the ground, they were deep holes and each one had a person at the bottom of it. In each hole the person was doing something - most of them were trying to get out of their holes without success. There were also some people ignoring the help that was being offered by others from above their holes. My favourite of these pictures was of the hole being filled with water by a hose put into it from people around the top of the it. This was not intended to drown the person in the hole! All the person in the hole needed to do was float on the surface of the water. As they lay back floating the water lifted them out of the hole.
My prayer for the moment is to be floated out of this depression I have fallen into.
Monday, 30 August 2010
Monday, 23 August 2010
Two Hundred Blessings.
We have been away for a couple of weeks and then had a very busy week doing a childrens Holiday Club (VBS) as part of my job. We have been unbelievably blessed, here are just a few:
180. The rest and relaxation needed to allow me to go outside my comfort zone with the children while away.
181. The sunshine and warmth in Turkey.
182. The peace He gives me about my unkempt garden.
183. The time He gives me to overcome a nasty summer cold.
184. A boss (Vicar) who reassures me that the quality of my work is the most important thing.
185. Children giggling with their friends after time apart.
186. The quick sale of my parents house. (3days!!!!)
187. A happy fluffy white puppy.
188. Beautiful sunsets.
189. The smell of home-made bread baking.
190. Two weeks of doing NO cooking.
191. Friends from the North coming for holidays in the South and popping in to see us.
192. Girls playing with guinea pigs.
193. A friend noticing how much my son is growing up.
194. Cups of tea with friends.
195. An unexpected small but perfectly thought out present from a friend in New Zealand.
196. Refreshing rains.
197. Answered prayers - especially those that I did not know what outcome I wanted.
198. A husband who can hold the fort when my health goes into meltdown.
199. A clean house - even if it only lasts a couple of hours.
200. The blogosphere - it is always here even when I leave it.
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180. The rest and relaxation needed to allow me to go outside my comfort zone with the children while away.
181. The sunshine and warmth in Turkey.
182. The peace He gives me about my unkempt garden.
183. The time He gives me to overcome a nasty summer cold.
184. A boss (Vicar) who reassures me that the quality of my work is the most important thing.
185. Children giggling with their friends after time apart.
186. The quick sale of my parents house. (3days!!!!)
187. A happy fluffy white puppy.
188. Beautiful sunsets.
189. The smell of home-made bread baking.
190. Two weeks of doing NO cooking.
191. Friends from the North coming for holidays in the South and popping in to see us.
192. Girls playing with guinea pigs.
193. A friend noticing how much my son is growing up.
194. Cups of tea with friends.
195. An unexpected small but perfectly thought out present from a friend in New Zealand.
196. Refreshing rains.
197. Answered prayers - especially those that I did not know what outcome I wanted.
198. A husband who can hold the fort when my health goes into meltdown.
199. A clean house - even if it only lasts a couple of hours.
200. The blogosphere - it is always here even when I leave it.
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