Oh how I would love to tell you that I've had another week full of blessings! Actually it did start rather well. I realised last Sunday that I was going to be on jury service the week my eldest daughter goes off to university for the first time. I was so cross that it had me up half the night moaning and whinging to God that it wasn't fair. I was still sad in the morning but knew I could do nothing about it. However that God who can do immeasurably more than we can imagine intervened by sorting it all out with the jury service system Himself. I had a phone call mid morning as I was up to my eyeballs in ironing, it was a very nice man from the courts asking me if I could postpone my jury service until November. It was so funny, I actually ended up explaining what an answer to prayer his call was! The smile on my face was broad and I felt quite excited to discover what else God was going to do with me this week.
Then Tuesday happened. Chronic health problems really do suck, they are very rarely simple and it can feel like you are being run ragged trying to find solutions to a very complex situation. So Tuesday was full of Why questions (and maybe just a little raging):
- Why isn't my youngest daughter's physical health getting better?
- Why hasn't God intervened already?
- Why is God answering some prayers so amazingly and then seemingly forgetting the other prayers that I have been praying for so long?
- Why do I feel like all the fight in me has got up and gone away?
- Why do I need to spend so much time sleeping to still wake up and not feel refreshed?
The last two days have involved medical appointments for both my girls. One far more positive than the other. So does that mean God is blessing one of them more than the other? It sure can feel that way. I know that at times like this I have to hold on tight to the hand of God. I need to remember that He never lets go of my hand but my grumbling, moaning and self pity certainly make me lose my grip on Him.
Choosing joy and counting blessings are sometimes just harder to do than other times. Life is often messy. Maybe this week I have to just accept that the stumbling I have felt this week, is part of a much bigger picture being painted by a God who does care and who is able to do immeasurably more than I can possibly imagine.