Monday, 15 October 2012

Overcoats.

It has been a difficult month so far.  As a family we have just had the first anniversary of my fathers very sudden unexpected death.  It has got me thinking about grief as it has rather enveloped me more than at any other time since he died.

I was doing some reading a little while ago on the Internet (unfortunately I now cannot find what I read).  However it likened grief to wearing an old tatty overcoat.  This resonated straight away with me as it made me think of my mum.  Since my dad died she has been constantly wearing his old waterproof coat.  It is tatty, it does not do up properly, but it was his.  I did manage to persuade her to purchase herself a new one about 6 months ago however even now she seldom wears it.  However she does occasionally.

It seems to come very easy (natural?) to try and coax people out of their grief.  Just like I did with my mum and her coat.  However grief is something that we need to go through and if you use the metaphor of it being like an overcoat you can take it further.  If you don't wear your overcoat, it stays the same, if you wear it well, it slowly starts to wear out.  This might mean that it gets shabbier but this will encourage you to consider the new overcoat that might some day need to replace it.

My experience of grief is that I have not felt 'able' to wear my overcoat.  It is not attractive, it is drab, it does not make other people feel comfortable when I wear it.  However I am trying to grasp hold of the 'need' to wear it.  Hopefully with time I my overcoat might start to wear out.

It has been far too long since I have written down any blessings, but through these dark days there are still many many blessed moments.

830. Swimming a mile for the first time in one go.
831. Watching a film in a cosy warm house.
832. Sales starting to happen on my Folksy site.
833. Kissing my husband in the rain.
834. Autumn sunlight in the garden.
835. Lovely pumpkins ripening in the garden.
836. A meal with friends with dishes I had prepared and frozen so that I was not too exhausted for their company.
837. Encouraging my youngest to spread her wings and watching her fly on a band weekend away.
839. Godly blogs that bring his word and wisdom when I can't get to church.



4 comments:

  1. xxxxxx Grief is nasty and often bites harde after the first year, the numbness has worn off.
    Is this the link? http://navigatingcyberloss.wordpress.com/2012/03/21/grief-loss-poetry-writing/

    This analogy is what sits right with me:
    http://www.merrywidow.me.uk/discussion_board/viewthread.asp?threadID=179904

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    1. Thanks for the merrywidow analagy Ko, I haven't seen that - the poem isn't the one I originally saw but did find when I went I was looking for the original one!

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  2. I like the story about your mother wearing your father's coat Jane.
    When John died I got rid of sacks full of clothes, gave all sorts of things to all sorts of people, but I kept and still wear, his winter dressing-gown. It is much too big for me but he wore it for comfort and warmth when other things were too heavy for him, so it has a special feel about it.
    Yes, we do need to go through all the public phases of loss but there is comfort in small things, and we really don't need to explain that to anyone.
    Blessings for you and your mother.
    X

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    1. Thanks Ray, blessings to you to x.

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