Monday, 22 August 2011

When it is all out of your hands.

It has been 14 weeks now since we stopped being Kinship carers for my 14 year old niece.  For 13 of those weeks she has been in a mental health unit with self-harming and aggressive behaviour getting worse and worse.  We could never have guessed just how damaged she was.  It has taken till now for me to feel like writing any of this down.  I have been very low and I know that a lot of that has been about 'control' being taken away from me.  My organised and perfectionist nature does not allow me to take kindly to 'failing'.  It doesn't seem to matter how much I can rationalise what has happened as not being a failure, seeing the success of us managing for 2 years where the authorities have not been coping in just these past weeks.  I will keep trying to feel it as well as know it, who knows, there is a chance that it might just seep into my heart that way.

We are still keeping in touch with her.  My husband goes to visit every 10 days or so.  I am in touch with those looking after her but not with her directly.  This causes me just to much pain at the moment.  The only thing we can practically do now is pray for her well-being and for the right placement to be funded for her.  What her social worker and the mental health unit feel is the right place has been found it looks amazing, and covers all the areas that she has got particular problems with.  So far the authorities have been refusing to fund it, however they are presently reviewing that decision and on the 1st September we should know whether they have changed their minds or what else they will offer in it's place.  I would greatly appreciate prayers from all of you dear readers who do pray, that the next step will be His way for her.

It is a long time since I have added to my list of 1000 things to be grateful for but as we were reminded at our church service of the importance showing our gratitude, it seems like the best time to get back on with it!

606.  A day out at the beach with my husband, my two children and my puppy dog.
607.  Home-made plum jam from a friend
608.  A big bag of plums from another to eat as they were and make puddings.
609.  New school uniforms all purchased, labelled and waiting in wardrobes.
610.  A friend trusting me with the most personal of issues.
611.  Seeing old friends after way to long.
612.  Teaching an 11 year old boy how to cast off and on with his knitting.
613.  Getting a gift in the post - see photo below, from him with a lovely letter one week later.
614.  Seeing the Lego all over my sons bedroom floor being played with every day for weeks.
615.  My daughter and her BF bathing the dog without being asked to!
616.  Being completely pampered by my 10 year old daughter, with bubbly bath and foot, shoulder and hand massages. (Okay so I know it was a ploy to get me to let her stay up real late - but it was worth it)
617. The pumpkin plants in my veg patch taking on the forms of triffids and travelling around my garden.
618. My crochet wave blanket of promises which is slowly growing.
619. My dear blog followers who are bearing with me through this barren patch.

To find out more about why it is good to count our blessings visit Ann Voskamps site by clicking on the picture below:

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1 comment:

  1. Hopping over from Ann's...Oh how painful...just this past couple of nephew ended up in lock down...The Lord provided help for him in the most miraculous way...but he least right now....just break my heart.
    It sounds like you have been a great gift to your niece...God hears your heart.