Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Coping with Change.

image courtesy of http://www.mnispi.org/cartoon

I have always considered myself reasonably good at coping with change. I might even dare to say that I have sometimes relished changes. I have always been rather smug about my ability to cope, especially in comparison to my husband when changes are afoot. However the last 10 months really have challenged this opinion of myself.

I have come to realise that I have a real limit to the amount of change I can cope with even when I think that I am letting God in to support me. Interestingly is seems that it is changes in my physical abilities that are always the point at which I finally cannot resist letting God in and surrendering everything to Him. Physically I am in a state of limbo at the moment. I have still not fully recovered from the knee surgery I had over 10 weeks ago. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that the surgery has not worked and even when 'recovery' is complete I will still be in the same state as I was before surgery. As far as the medics are concerned there is going to be no more discussion until November when the option of knee replacements could become more real. In the mean time I have to do some research of my own so that I am not bamboozled with information when I finally go and can ask questions more fully informed. I really am not looking forward to doing any of that and am putting it off daily.

So that is the physical change that has brought me back to fully surrender my all to God. It is not easy, I keep trying to take it back. I keep trying to bury my head in the sand. Without God I am nothing, even with God I have moments of feeling that I am nothing. What I am sure about is that He is Everything, and what humbles me most is to know that during these times of great change he is constantly showing me how much he cares for me. Thanks Be To God.

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